Tag: Thoughts

Vote with Your Wallet

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Sometimes (ok, often) I feel like a bit of an outsider.  I don’t always think the same way as a large majority of people.  I don’t like or support many of the places or companies that are part of other people’s day-to-day, so I’m really a bit unsure going into this post… 

I’ve been reflecting on what kind of world I want, and I’m wondering how much that matches with the majority of the population.  Personally, I don’t want a world with big, overflowing, generic box stores filled with cheap stuff made in China. I don’t want a world where people hole up inside, while large trucks circle around with deliveries. I don’t know… Maybe a lot of people really DO want these things. But, I have a feeling that many people just get caught up in habits and convenience and sucked into the madness of our consumerist society. I don’t really think this is what most people want. And yet, every time we order something from a large online store or support Jeff frickin Bezos or buy the latest gadget at WalMart, then we are voting for that world and those things. We are saying, Yes, this is the world I want.

And, I just don’t. I’m not saying I don’t want to buy things or support companies; I just want to do my best to support the ones that show me more of the world I want to see. So, when I go into an independently-run, beautifully-decorated shop full of items carefully selected from companies with good business practices, THAT’s where I want to spend my money. Will it cost more there than at some of the evil empires? Absolutely. And this is where I often hear people step in with the Woe-Is-Me talk about how they NEED to shop at WalMart or Amazon because they just can’t afford anything else. A majority of the time though, I find these same people buying loads more stuff for “cheap” prices and spending way more than they would have spent supporting a local business and buying a select few quality items.

What I actually love about spending a little bit more for a local product or from a business with fair and conscious practices is that A) I’m supporting a place that brings me joy and, in my humble opinion, brightens our world, B) I know I’m buying a quality product that was made with good materials and will last, C) I’m cutting down on the amount of stuff I can buy and thereby decreasing clutter, D) I feel a greater respect and appreciation for something I’ve spent more money on and I know I’ll treat it better, make it last longer, mend it, if needed, etc. and Lastly, hopefully, I’m supporting a place that makes more conscious decisions for our world and its people. To me, it’s an all around win situation. 

I know it’s tough. In the day-to-day craziness, when “needs” for items come up, heck ya, it’s easier to visit a big ol online store. But maybe, just maybe, we can start taking a breath before we buy things…  Ask ourselves if we really need it. Ask ourselves if we can borrow it instead. And, most importantly, ask ourselves where we want to put our vote. The companies and businesses where we spend our money are what we will see more of. We can easily shift the direction of how businesses are run, what environmental choices they make, how they treat their employees, how well products are made, simply by spending our money at places that have these practices already in place. We’ve probably all seen examples of how our money votes change what is offered. It’s commonplace to see at least some organic food items at even the most generic grocery stores these days. That wasn’t always the case. Our money votes matter.

And right now, more than ever before, small businesses NEED you!  I strongly, strongly encourage some research into local, independently-run bookshops, toy shops, gift shops, and so on.  Many have done huge learning curves this year to provide online shopping or phone ordering.  Many do curbside pick-up.  I’ve even had some hand deliver items to my door, free of charge.  This is the time to step up and support local.  Buying gift certificates or future memberships is also a great way to support local businesses.  And if you can’t think of somewhere in your local area, think about some of your favorite independent shops you’ve seen while traveling or from places you used to live.  Many will ship.  Your purchases will keep them alive for your next visit. 

This is your chance to save small businesses!  To support quality items.  To say Yes! to fair working conditions and practices.  To keep a family’s dream afloat.  To create more beautiful places.  Where you shop and which places you choose to support can and will make a difference in our world.

Sunlight List

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I’ve been thinking a lot about the title of this blog and ways to “keep in the sunlight.”  I’m definitely one of those roller coaster folks with pretty high highs and pretty low lows.  As I’ve gotten older, I’m getting slightly better at navigating this.  At realizing the lows will pass, as will the highs, but recognizing I can enjoy those juicy, wonderful, sparkling moments for what they are.  And I can let myself feel those sad, down feelings, hide under the covers for a bit, whine for a bit, but not let it take me down completely.

That being said, I do like to have a reserve list in my back pocket for those those tough times.  There are certain things that I absolutely know will bring me out of a funk.  My mind likes to make excuses to prevent me from doing them sometimes, which is kind of a bummer.  But, at least I’m starting to realize that my sneaky little sad side is just trying to stick around longer. 

One of the “best” excuses my brain likes to use for avoiding these things is the overwhelmed one.  I may know what will make me feel better, but my little sneaky shadow side likes to tell me I have to do ALL of them to feel better, EVERY DAY, and how could I possibly do that?  So, I don’t do any. 

So, I try to thank my little shadow side for its brilliant trickery and forge on ahead.  And here’s what I’ve realized:  If I do just ONE of these, it’s like this beautiful puzzle that falls almost effortlessly into place.  I start to feel better and happier and healthier, and then all those other things I know will help me, just sort of start happening, and I’m back on track to Happy-ville.

I know it might not be the same for everyone, but I feel so glad to finally see that’s how it (usually) works for me.  That doesn’t mean I’m always good at remembering all this, but, I try.

Anyway, I think it’s important for everyone to have a little back pocket idea list for feeling happy, whether it’s written and posted on a wall, jotted in a journal, or simply a mental list.  And, no, I’m not dismissing those sad or tough times.  I think those are important too.  Definitely.  But, if there’s anyone like me who sometimes gets a bit too sucked into those times, maybe a happy list can help.

 

Everyone’s will look different, of course, but, just for fun, here are some of mine:

Take a walk outside

This might be my top helper.  And one of the ones I find the most excuses for avoiding.  Here’s a post about it, if you’re interested.

Get sleep

Sounds so obvious, and I am not an insomniac.  But I have two very beautiful children who had VERY tough baby/toddler years.  I thought sleep was at a minimum with my first, and then my second made me understand the very dangerous consequences of not sleeping AT ALL.  Sleep deprivation is no joke.  

Journal

For me, writing things out has been a huge part of my journey.  For anyone who wants to journal and doesn’t feel like they know “how,” there are so many beautiful guided journals now.  Also, stream-of-consciousness writing, gratitude lists, or writing letters or poetry can be part of journaling.  A couple of thoughts (that I have to remind myself of…)—Remember, your journal is not your legacy or autobiography; it doesn’t have to be good.  Sometimes I felt like I wrote the same types of entries for years and years.  Same complaints or worries or whatnot.  And then, I’d get frustrated with myself for not moving past these things.  But, sometimes, the only way to move past them is to write about them 500 times.  And then, maybe, on that 501st entry, I’m past it.  But without the previous ones, I might not have been ready.

I never feel the need to stay in the lines or write neatly.  It’s not for re-reading necessarily.  Journals can just be a place to get thoughts and feelings out.

Sometimes getting big feelings out can make me feel everything deeper, instead of releasing everything.  This can be good sometimes.  And sometimes, not.  If I feel that my sadness or anger or whatever it is, is only building with each entry, and not going the direction I’d like, I try shifting to a guided journal or one with quotes on each page.  Or I just consider a different outlet for the time being.

Reading fiction

I love to read and usually have stacks of books from the library at any given time.  I love reading “learning” books (non-fiction) and books for my kids, but I also really need to read fiction for me to stay grounded.  It can be tough to get reading time in sometimes, and that’s the biggest excuse I hear people make when they share that they wish they read more.  But, I don’t know. Somehow, I squeeze books into the day or night.  Just the way some people might squeeze in time for social media or the gym.  It’s just always been a priority for me, and I can tell when I have somehow gotten out of the groove, because it really starts messing with my mood.

Playing piano

I have an interesting relationship with the piano.  I grew up learning, and I enjoy playing when I sit down to play, but I’ve never been drawn to learn and play music the way some people do.  And so, playing the piano is always sort of lower on my “happy list” with a bit of a question mark/parentheses about it.  But, that being said, when I do sit down and finally play piano, I feel amazing, and I always wonder why I hadn’t done so sooner.

Watching TV or a movie

This is a weird one for me to say, because I’m very cautious and limited about screen time in our house.  But, that being said, sometimes my mind gets so full of thoughts and worries and lists.  And that’s when I know that the best thing for me is to actually just sit and watch.  And, sometimes I’ll go several nights in a row watching TV after the kids go to bed.  Then, it’s out of my system and I get back to other things.  But, it has sure saved me a number of times—reminded me to laugh or cry or whatever I’ve needed.

Movement

I love the word “movement” so much more than “exercise” or “working out.”  I’ve never been a gym person or a runner or a sports person.  And I know those things help so many people, and they would probably help me too, if I could make myself do them.  But, I just struggle to have much interest.  So, I’ve found what works for me, because movement is, obviously, such an important part of staying happy and healthy.  For me, it’s dancing.  I wouldn’t call myself a “dancer,” but moving to music heals my soul and brings me so much joy.

 

I know there’s probably more to my “sunshine/happy list” than just these.  Obviously connecting with friends, eating well, playing, laughing, having goals (but not too many goals)–all that jazz.  It all comes down to balance, of course.  But having these ideas to help me during the lows has become such an important part of my emotional well-being.

What helps you when you’re down?

 

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What Makes or Breaks a Children’s Book*

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

*I should add the very important addition–FOR ME
(I really, really try not to write any of the “This is how it is” posts on here, as I know that everyone’s opinion and life is so different.  But, then again, this is my space, so there is an implied “for me” in all of this, right?)

Anyway, I wonder about this a lot–What makes or breaks a book for me?  And, I wish I had a once and for all answer, but I don’t.  I am very particular about which books we choose to read, and even amongst those, there are some picture books that hit all the marks and make the bestseller lists, but just don’t quite have the magic for me.  And then, there are some which seem entirely too simple, which I just love and could read over and over to the kids.  It really is an art.

I can definitely speak more to what breaks a children’s book for me.  There are the super obvious things like being offensive or closed-minded and so on, but there are some things which I’m surprised make it into so many children’s books.  Maybe I’m overthinking things, but, I really do feel that the words we read our children matter.

The word “hate”
There’s enough hate in the world to work on without slipping this word in for mundane things.  There is one book we have (which I’m thinking of at the moment) that uses this word (The Grinch Who Stole Christmas).  I simply read out loud as “dislike” instead.

The words “dumb” or “stupid”
Ditto to above

The “I hate broccoli or vegetables” thing
Seriously?  We, as parents need to unite on feeding our children healthy foods.  My kids really do delight in vegetables, and I’ve been a parent long enough to know that most of this is just pure luck, BUT…  they also never heard otherwise.  None of the books I read to them promote the veggie dislike and they aren’t hanging around kids who are repeating this.  I understand that authors are trying to relate to kids perhaps, but can’t we make a shift there?  I actually really love when books slip in a love-of-vegetable sentence without being preachy about it.

The “I dislike school” thing
Again, I understand that this is a reality for some kids.  But many do actually enjoy school and learning.  So, why are books adding this cheap way of trying to relate to kids while promoting the idea that school is something to dread?

The sibling dislike
This is such a standard in books, and I’m so frustrated by it.  Yes, of course, I know siblings argue and aren’t always each other’s favorites.  But, when the siblings are consistently referred to as “annoying” or “bossy” or other such things without redeeming moments, it really bothers me.  A lot.  I found myself pleasantly surprised watching “Onward” and seeing the brothers getting along for the most part and treating each other well.  Why should this be such a rare thing to see in a story?

The word “fat”
When this word gets used or overused in book descriptions, it really bothers me.  It’s not a word I want on my children’s tongues either as a descriptive word for others or for themselves.  I remember being shocked one day when our daughter was little, and having not seen TV or been in any daycare-type settings, she used the word “fat.”  And then I realized it IS used in one of our favorite picture books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar.  And, I feel ok with its use in this book.  So, yes, I know there are always exceptions, but for the most part, it is not an adjective I like to see in children’s books.

Put-Downs
Putting down others in books seems to be dwindling.  Even the “mean” characters often get a backstory in many of our books and others don’t return the meanness.  Obviously putting down others would be on my dislike list.  But, something I do still see on occasion is the self put-downs.  I know it’s going to crop up here and there for a character to have doubts and go through a self-discovery, but I’ve had to put several books back into the library bag before sharing with the kids because the self talk was so negative.

The “I’m too old for this”
As homeschoolers, my kids have, what I consider, an advantage in that they can keep their childhoods a little longer.  Nobody on the playground or on mainstream TV is dictating what they “should” or “shouldn’t” be playing with at certain ages.  My daughter LOVES all her dolls, and she will probably continue to have them as part of her everyday play past when most kids her age would.  So, it hurts my heart when books sneak in passages about their characters being “too old” for something.  Everyone is on their own timeline, and if this modern age has taught us anything, it’s that holding onto what we love dearest can still work to our “benefit” with all these independent sources of making money through YouTube channels and social media platforms.  I know at some point, you just have to hope/know your kid has enough gumption to keep what they hold dear, but the influence of other kids, TV, and, apparently, some books really tries to get people to conform to some made-up idea of what’s “normal” and “acceptable.”

The sellouts
The other kind of books I cringe at, and we rarely see in our home are the sellouts.  The ones just written because they know it’ll sell.  These are usually cartoon characters or toys.  Like anything, there are exceptions to this too, when the kids love a character and I’d much rather we read a book.  But I do try to be very, very particular when going into this territory.  Sometimes it really is just a picture book that tries hitting all the marks but has no soul to it, even if there is one trying to be faked.

 

I appreciate the work and time all authors and illustrators and publishers put into books, and so I really don’t mean any of my dislikes as a put-down.  But, I do think it’s time to shift away from some of these dated, cheap ways of trying to relate to kids.  Give kids and families a little more credit.  I think there can be a balance between writing relatable characters, while also recognizing the influence the words and actions of these stories can have over children.  And, I realize that makes it sound like I want some preachy, do-gooder books, which is not what I’m trying to say.  I just think there’s a way to be real and entertaining and to influence positive change.

 

Run Like a Girl!

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I’ve been listening to the KidLitWomen podcast, and it reminded me of this video commercial I had seen.  I tend to miss the viral videos, but I am SO grateful to have seen this one.  I cry every time.  And I LOVE that this notion of “like a girl” is being revisited, rethought, and embraced as something strong and powerful.

(When my friend and I separately asked our daughters to “run like a girl,” they both responded like the young girls in the video.  Huzzah!)

The Swedish Way to Parent and Play

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The Swedish Way to Parent and Play
By Henkel and Tomicic

I somehow found out about this book and got it on my library list, without realizing it is hot off the press for Americans.  Although Henkel and Tomicic released this book 10 years ago in Sweden, it is just making its debut where I am.  The subtitle for the book is “Advice for Raising Gender-Equal Kids,” and it is just that.  This small, square book covers tons of thoughts and ideas for raising our kids in an equal-gender atmosphere.

I have to be honest, that although I think this book is a must-read for parents and anyone working with kids, I found myself struggling with some of the approach.  I have a daughter and a son, and despite doing everything possible to remain “gender-neutral” with them, from dressing them in gender-neutral clothing as babies and young kids, keeping them away from TV and media and magazines, presenting books and songs that were very carefully selected, adapting songs and stories to be fair to both genders, discussing every job and situation with a “she or he” role, etc., our daughter has always been drawn to the traditional “girl” stuff and our son has been drawn to the traditional “boy” stuff.  This book sometimes made it sound as if kids who do fall into these “traditional” roles were somehow forced or subconsciously led into these roles.  I also struggled with going to the extremes to approach boys and girls exactly the same.  I think kids need to be approached on an individual basis.  It reminded me a bit of the “melting pot” philosophy our country once held, trying to be fair, but denying people for who they were vs. the “salad bowl” idea where people exist together, but we see and appreciate their differences.  There was also a lot of talk about letting girls be loud and letting boys hug and cuddle, when I find my own daughter to have defined her strong voice early on and my son to be extremely affectionate.  Sometimes it seemed as if the authors were implying I should allow rude behavior from a girl, just so she can learn to express herself and I should feel encouraged by ongoing crying tantrums from a boy so he can express himself.  And there was some implication that if I went in expecting my boy to be on the move and not fully engaging and listening and making eye contact, then that is what I would get.  Well, we have done everything in our power, but our son just naturally moves more and uses his physical energy more than our girl ever did.  I would never imply or expect that all boys are that way, but this is the case here, and I honestly don’t think this has anything to do with our treatment of him.

But I’m really getting ahead of myself, because I truly found this book to be valuable and worth reading.  And I promised I’d only write about books on here that I’d recommend.  I do truly recommend this book, but I just had to mention that it was a bit of a back and forth for me as I made my way through it.  As “aware” as I believe myself to be on a lot of the topics covered, I definitely found a lot of new ideas to take from it.   Some that stuck out in my recollection right now are:

–Not teasing or expecting romance when a boy and girl are friends.  Do we ever do that when two boys or two girls are spending time together?  –

–Not making the excuse that boys hurt or chase girls just because they like them.  If we teach that to girls early on, what are they to supposed to be ok with later in life?  There’s a frighteningly accurate cartoon in this section showing a grown man with a woman in a headlock, and another woman in the back musing, “It’s probably just his way of showing that he cares.”

–Not consistently commenting how “cute” or “pretty” girls look all the time.  It seems like the go-to comment to say something about a little girl’s dress or hair and so on, but I see how this can become a bit addictive to some and attach worth to looks.  Instead, they suggest asking how a girl is doing or how nice it is to see her or how comfortable the clothes look, and so on.  (Although, as another aside, I will say that I have a friend who never heard nice comments about her looks from her parents while growing up and became super attached to seeking out these compliments from others because of this…)

–I also appreciated suggestions to mix up the toys.  I think schools and homes have a way of separating trucks and cars from dolls and kitchens.  Which is not to say the kids might not play with all of it, but it might be worth a try to see how a truck is integrated into doll play or a baby in with the Transformers.

The other main thought I came away with, and I don’t recall if this was exactly said, but it feels like boys are kind of getting the short end of the stick when I thought about it.  We’ve worked hard for it to be ok for girls to wear pants or Ninja Turtle shirts, to play with tools and cars, to read about boy wizards, to play any sport, to get messy outside.  But, I think there are still a lot of things that just aren’t socially acceptable for boys–sparkly shirts, dresses, playing with baby dolls past a certain age, dance classes instead of sports, books or shows with female leads, especially princesses.  And, this just doesn’t seem fair.

A lot of good things to think about from this book, and a book that I think should be required for anyone working with kids.