Tag: Thoughts

Rubik’s Cube and Possibilities

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Last weekend I learned to solve a Rubik’s cube!  No, I am not a genius, and, Yes, I did use the YouTube to learn how to solve it.  Nevertheless, I’m quite proud of myself.  Our kids had received mini cubes in their Easter baskets, and that afternoon I just decided I was going to learn.  (Side note:  Do not learn on a mini cube; they are frustrating as heck to learn on.)

I grew up in the 1980s, so, of course we had a Rubik’s cube in our game cupboard.  I probably half tried it a few times, but I think I knew the task was out of my reach, so I never put much time or thought into it.  When the Rubik’s cube gained in popularity once more and YouTube was a resource, I still didn’t really care enough to try learning.  But, for some reason, magically, it was time. (Ok, ok. I’m procrastinating on a big project right now, but that’s besides the point.)

I went from being super amazed and proud at solving the cube at all to realizing I could do it in 5 or 6 minutes.  What?!  By the third day, my time was down to about 3 minutes.  And now, a week later and after combining two methods, I’m consistently under 2 1/2 minutes.  I’m certainly not a “speed cuber,” nor do I necessarily aspire to be (ok, maybe a little), but I’m feeling pretty rad about all of this.

But one of the coolest, unexpected side effects of learning The Cube is that I am looking at all the other seemingly difficult things I’ve wanted to learn or accomplish, and it all just seems so….possible.  Learn ASL?  Sure, I can do that.  Working towards my first-ever splits?  Yeah, I got that.  Knitting socks?  Of course.  Writing a book?  No problem.  Threading a Serger?  Why not.  Getting through another day of meltdowns and tantrums? Easy peasy.

There are 43 quintillion (!!!) possibilities on a Rubik’s cube.  Which is totally insane, right?  So, if I can solve that in less than 2 1/2 minutes, just think of all that I could accomplish.

The Value of Picture Books

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Picture books haven’t always been such a big part of my life.  Sure, I remember the picture books that cropped up here and there in my young adulthood as ones with “bigger” messages for adults too —Oh, the Places You’ll Go, Hope for the Flowers, etc.– but even though children’s chapter books have been a love of mine throughout my life, I didn’t give picture books the place they deserved on my shelf until having children.  Here’s the thing:  Without mentioning specific ones, there are some REALLY not-so-great picture books.  There was a time when I thought picture books were somewhat interchangeable–that reading was the important part, but that these “temporary” books were just for babies and young kids.

Wow, was I wrong.  There are SO many gorgeous children’s books!  Beautiful stories and illustrations that I’m proud to have on our shelves and have no intention of downsizing when my kids are older.  My oldest is at the stage where reading chapter books at bedtime has been the norm for awhile.  And her younger brother is actually quite engaged by read-aloud chapter books as well.  But I still make a conscious choice to pause between chapter books every once in awhile and make sure we’re getting a good dose of picture books too.  Not that we don’t read these during the day, but I think it’s important to give them that sacred, snuggle-in-bed place as well.

Picture books beg to be read out loud, regardless of age.  I love listening to my husband read to the kids or hear Story Time librarians read to their circles of young library visitors.  Picture books lend themselves well to rhythm and humor and Life messages cleverly hidden in a concise and beautiful story.  In hearing the pacing and timing of these picture books, children learn much more than if they’re left to only read on their own.  Just because a child can read on their own doesn’t mean that read-alouds should be dropped.  And, as much as I love the ability to imagine the scenes of a chapter book, the illustrations of a really great picture book provide so much to the story and its readers.  I’ve often heard that writing picture books is far more challenging than writing other books.  To be able to tell your story and share your message in such a limited space?  It makes sense.  And the vocabulary?  I once tried to re-learn Spanish by checking out Spanish picture books from the library.  Even with the aid of a fluent speaker, we couldn’t make out many of the words.  Picture books–good ones– are rich in beautiful, new words.

When I worked at a school library, I used to cringe that students seemed to only be reading for “points” in their reward system.  They’d aim for longer and longer books that held more points for them.  It saddened me to see so many wonderful, shorter, “simpler” books go ignored.  Another thing I’d hear in my time working at schools was teachers telling students that a book was “below their level” and they had to read something else.  How can we expect to foster a love of reading when we can’t let children read what they would like?  I almost exclusively read children’s or young adult –or PICTURE!– books; this doesn’t mean I can’t read anything beyond these.  But these are the stories that grab me, that entertain me, that bring me joy and tears and a desire to read more.

Picture books – the good ones- are powerful and beautiful.  They aren’t just for the non-readers or early readers.  Those who don’t know this yet haven’t had the pleasure of a really great picture book.  I’m tired of the competitiveness of our society.  Children, and (let’s face it, mostly) parents, want bragging rights.  Having a child read long books at a young age has become some sort of strange milestone to boast about on social media.  Reading long books at a young age that a child can’t relate to yet sounds empty.  Connecting to a book (no matter the length or level), growing a love of reading and books (yes, even wordless ones!), being able to appreciate the subtleties of language and illustrations– THAT to me is the foundation for a reader.  We, as a society, need to discover and embrace the precious picture books that authors and illustrators have gifted us.  Not just for our children, but for all of us.

 

“With the popularity of e-books and DVDs and the push toward early chapter books, then the still-thicker books that follow, we may not realize that traditional picture books are endangered. They are. Publishers won’t keep publishing what there’s no market for. Which means that what picture books offer children–something they get no other way–is endangered, too.”  – Mary Lyn Ray

See this article by Mary Lyn Ray

Clothes Hangers and Wake-Up Calls

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WHyyyyyy?!  Why another one?

I’m an over-thinker by nature, and as an environmentalist and a parent, this tendency has been ramped up way more than I could have imagined.  Being conscious of what we’re buying, where it has come from, what it’s afterlife will be—it’s exhausting.  Seriously, over half of my “clutter” is just odds and ends of what most other people would easily call ‘trash’ that I just feel obligated to keep and find a use for so I don’t have to throw it in a landfill.  And one of those collections in the garage is plastic FREAKIN hangers!  I’m not even talking about the ones that are everyday, ‘closet’ hangers (that’s a whole other post).  No, these are the hangers that stores attach to new shirts, underwear, socks.  And I mean ‘attach.’  Have you every tried getting a new set of underwear off these ridiculous plastic hangers?  argh!

Being on a clean-out phase where I’m trying to make peace with the fact that I simply cannot make a project out of every bit of waste from our lives, I thought I’d start with those silly, tangly, plastic store hangers.  But first….  First, I needed to do a little research because, well, that’s what I do.  And I’m dismayed, because, Yes, obviously this is a major problem.  It makes my heart sink thinking about all these ‘throw-away’ hangers, even those teeny tiny hook ones that come on socks.  I know that resting the weight of the world’s plastic problem on my shoulders is not helpful here, but I must vent or cry or whatever it is I’m trying to do here.  The world- the ‘system’- has been set up for wastefulness.  And it sucks.  Many go along blindly, just keeping their homes Pinterest-perfect, tossing anything that’s no longer needed.  And, I get it.  I do.  But a wake-up call is coming.  For ALL of us.  Not just the ones who stay up nights, tossing and turning, trying to figure out what to do with old CD cases and plastic hangers, but anyone on this planet.  Because the horribly wasteful, negligent systems we have in place right now to keep people in this never-ending cycle of buying and spending and consuming and tossing–these systems aren’t working.  The planet needs us to wake the heck up.

And the really tough part is, it’s not just plastic hangers or straws or floss containers.  It’s everything!  There’s SO MUCH STUFF.  And, in a way, it’s not really our faults, because this is so much bigger than any of us.  It’s not on me or you to save the world of these major problems….  But, then again, Yes. Yes, it absolutely is.  We need to take a stand.  We need to let companies know what we’re thinking and that we don’t like their practices.  We need to seek out the companies that ARE doing conscious, good, sustainable practices.  They are out there, and never has it been easier to find them and support them.  We need to re-prioritize.  Most people I know have way more money than they need.  I am absolutely aware this isn’t the case everywhere.  But those who have money can be making smarter choices.  Buying less stuff at higher prices to support the change-makers who need to charge more to do it ‘right.’

We can do this!  Bags, straws, hangers.  These sound like small steps for a much, much bigger problem.  But these are the steps that matter.  The wake-up calls all of us need to look around us and start to question how our stuff got to us and what’s to become of it when we’re done.

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Fairy Tales Belong to All of Us

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The tales we tell our children should be ones that sit right with us.
Fairy tales belong to all of us. 

Not only is it our right to make them our own as we pass them onto the next generation, it’s our obligation.

I wouldn’t say I grew up fascinated with fairy tales the way some people are.  I grew up with the basic stories and the Disney-fied versions of them.  But, since becoming a mama, I’ve been very drawn to them.  Mostly -honestly- because many of my parenting books stress their value so much.  There’s also the Einstein quote floating around the Internet, which may or may not be accurate:

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales.  If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”

I’ve never aspired for the ‘genius’ child or anything like that, but I found this quote intriguing, even if it’s only vaguely related to something Einstein once said.  And so, I made it a quest to make fairy tales a part of our lives.  I read Bruno Bettelheim’s book early on (for my own reading), which has its own set of controversies.  I own several other books about fairy tales, which I’ve skimmed on my own, but never quite read thoroughly.  I tried to push through the uncomfortable, violent bits of well-known fairy tales, holding fast to the idea that these stories were of value to children and that if I just read them in a tone without drama, the kids would see these scenes that adults find gruesome as a symbolic release for unexplainable feelings.

But, it just never sat right with me.  What’s more, the portrayal of women in these stories cannot be disregarded.  Many of the females are portrayed as silent bystanders to the action, awaiting someone else (usually a male, albeit a male without much of his own story) to change their fate.  In at least two well-known tales, the woman is kissed while unconscious, without any consent.  And the women who are powerful in these stories are portrayed as evil, jealous, and heartless.  Meanwhile, on behalf of awesome dads everywhere, I also must mention that dads are given pretty horrible treatment in these tales as well.  They’re usually quivering and spineless in the power of the cruel new wives they’ve chosen and do little to stick up for their children.  So… not exactly the messages I want to send to our kids.

As a parent, I DO understand fairy tales on a much different level than I ever had.   The “Never stray from the path” message that sounded so limiting as a child or even as a young woman who was imagining myself being a super relaxed mom someday…Well, I have actually said, almost verbatim, several times since becoming a mom, “Stay on the path!”  Locking my kids up in a tower to protect them from the harsh realities of the world?  My pre-mama self would shudder at this, but–Yes!!  That sounds fantastic!  (As Nikki says in an episode of Trying – “I know that you were saying wrapping them up in bubble wrap as some sort of criticism, but, Yes, I think that sounds perfect.”)  Kind, soft-spoken mothers passing away after childbirth and being replaced by loud, upset, “scary mommies?”  Yes, sadly, that sounds familiar on some days too.

And I can see how kids might relate to these tales as well.  We might be asking them to pick up a small pile of toys or get their clothes off the floor, and they might see themselves in a ‘Cinderella’-type situation, being asked to do impossible tasks.  And I’m sure kids have felt they’ve been left out of going to parties or events that their parents or siblings attend, just like poor Cinderella.  Before having kids, I thought the phrasing of wanting to ‘gobble’ them up was just bizarre, but I’ve said this more times than I can count.  So, children in these stories hearing that an adult wants to eat them?  Yes, that probably resonates.  Kids feeling like they are being ‘poisoned’ by the food we make for dinner sometimes?  Yup.  I’m sure.  Worlds where magic helps characters out of sticky situations, and good and evil are so very clear–all of this sounds like the makings of great stories for children.

But, the Disney-fied versions of these aren’t something we let the kids watch and the watered-down versions of these tales we come across in ultra-“cuddly” books don’t seem to hold much substance.  So, do I stick by the tales of cutting off feet to fit what a prince wants and a stepmother asking to eat the heart of her stepchild?  hmmmm…

So, I approach these cautiously.  I want my kids to be familiar with these tales that are such a part of our culture, and frankly, feel so familiar to all of us in our beings.  But, I think the written versions of these oral stories must also be taken in the context of the time they were published and who published them.  The Grimm brothers collected versions of these stories from the people in their social circles in the early 1800s.  They originally did not collect these as stories for children and later edited them to make them more ‘kid-appropriate.’  Some edits, as Marina Warner points out, changed the way the female was represented.  In an early version of Rapunzel, for example, Mother Gothel finds out about the girl’s visits with the prince when Rapunzel is confused by her growing (pregnant) belly, implying she’s had relations with him.  Instead of a lesson in the importance of sex education for youth though, the Grimm Brothers found this inappropriate, and had the witch find out about the prince when Rapunzel rather idiotically asks her why she’s so much heavier than him to pull up the tower.  This makes Rapunzel seem rather daft instead of someone who never received a lesson in sex ed.

Hans Christian Andersen’s tales must also be put in the context of the time and his life.  While I’m not as familiar with his tales, the big one that sticks out is Little Mermaid where the mermaid gives up her voice to live on land and be with the prince.  As usual, the Disney version wasn’t faithful to the original where the mermaid was seeking immortality more than the love of a prince, but still.  This tale was written in Andersen’s life when the man (who many guessed) he loved, was marrying a woman.  I can see how he might have wished to live in a different world to be with the one he loved, only to watch his love marry another (which ultimately happens in the original fairy tale).  Unfortunately, Disney versions are so engrained in many modern minds, it’s hard to disentangle these from the classic fairy tales and what they meant in the context of their time.

My newest quest is finding other spins on fairy tales.  I’ve been a fan of a few of these for awhile, but I’m ready to expand my repertoire. This allows me to introduce the basics of these fairy tales to my kids the way the public at large knows them (sort of *see above), but also to show them that fairy tales are evolving stories.  We don’t have to stick to the Grimm Brothers’ versions of these tales or Disney’s.  Who’s to say that the beautiful renditions of these stories by current authors can’t be the tales we pass down?  Fairy tales were meant to be stories that change with the times and the audience and the situation.  For so long I was stuck on being faithful to the “original” fairy tales, when I failed to see that being true to fairy tales IS to let them live and breathe and change.  The tales we tell our children should be ones that sit right with us.  (We aren’t talking fables here, that hit us over the head with a lesson (which I really don’t mind in their own genre), but tales that let us explore emotions and feelings in a safe place.).  Fairy tales belong to all of us.  Not only is it our right to make them our own as we pass them onto the next generation, it’s our obligation.

 

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Embracing Clutter

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There are thousands of books and articles about de-cluttering.  Yes, I know it’s better for our mental health and energy levels to live in a clutter-free environment.  I know not everyone is on board with this “clutter-free” idea, but I happen to fully agree.  It’s just…

It’s not in my natural instinct, for one.  Which, granted, is no excuse.  But I also realize that, especially as a parent, I’m constantly faced with choices.  And as nice as a clutter-free, tidy home might sound, it just never ranks as a top priority for me.  So, I can either stress and fight against the chaos that is our home, or I can step over the clutter on the floor and live my life.  And, lately, I’m really trying for the latter.

I don’t like my kids sitting in front of a TV.  I borderline loathe it.  I’ve turned to it more this past year than I would care to admit to myself.  But when it comes to daily routine, I can either plop them in front of a screen while I tidy or spend that time letting them play (and, let’s face it, make more mess).  Yes, I know the ever-present idea that they should be involved in the clean-up.  I agree…to a point.  I once went with my daughter to a playdate when we were new to an area, and the mom spent the. entire. time. on the kids’ cases to clean up.  She followed each of their activities madly putting things away, instead of just letting them enjoy their time and letting us sit and get to know each other.  We easily could have cleaned up before leaving.  It was stressful and awkward, and it made me really happy for our messy home.

I believe kids’ jobs are to play.  I think many adults cling to an idea that if their three-year old doesn’t clean up his every mess that he will become some irresponsible, slob of an adult.  My kids do help to an extent, but they’re kids.  Not mini adults.  And frankly, if I don’t want to be tidying, why spend my time nagging my kids to do so?  My kids are also highly creative.  With homeschool and, apparently, parents who don’t need a Pinterest-perfect home, it’s game-on for creative projects.  There are always bits of paper everywhere and elaborate constructions of toys.  There are usually pillows and blankets dragged out for forts or boats or whatever make-believe play has struck their fancy.

At nighttime, I’d rather snuggle them to sleep with stories than close the door and participate in the cruel and antiquated “cry it out” mentality, regardless of their ages.  I remember how frightening nighttime could be for me, even as an older kiddo.  I want our kids to feel safe and comforted.  To me, this is part of the job.  Sure, it sucks sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  So, instead of doing a quick evening tidy, I’m in our family bed cuddling and telling stories.  Again, tidying takes a backseat.

And then there’s me.  I’d much rather spend my “free” time (Ha!) sewing or creating something (or typing this) than tidying up.  It’s just not high on my priority scale.  The result sounds nice, but… Nah.  And maybe this makes me lazy or a procrastinator.  But, honestly, the stuff will eventually get picked up.  It’s not like the kids will be teens and we’ll be stepping over these same piles of stuff that are here now.  (No, we’ll have new piles of stuff by then, of course!)

I also have this environmental weakness for always wanting to find a creative re-use for an item.  This is something that is never covered in de-cluttering manuals–The Obsessive Environmentalist.  So, at any given time, our cupboards have old toothpaste caps and outgrown baby socks and empty floss containers and old vitamin bottles, and a huge array of other miscellany.  (Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this!)

And, oh, the kids’ artwork!   When we had to evacuate last year for a fire, this was the top thing on my mind.  And even though I’ve tried to take photos of their creations, and I realize it’s about the process mainly at this stage, I still value these far too much to just recycle them.  And my kids create a LOT of art.  And a lot of awkwardly-shaped art.  It’s part of what comes from the flexible days of homeschool and the lack of directed projects.  I have buckets and places for these, but that doesn’t stop them from creeping all over the house.  Ah, well.  Another winner over the tidy house.

Obviously this is something I could rattle on about for awhile–mainly, I’m sure, in an attempt to convince myself it’s OK to be living in a messy house.  But with so many picture-perfect homes out there covering the Internet, it’s important for us chaotic, messy homes to stick together and realize a clutter-free life ain’t everything.  If a cluttered desk is a cluttered mind, then what the heck is an empty one?*

 

*Arguably, many Zen-type followers may be hoping for a clear and “empty” mind, and I applaud that.  But, at this stage of life, I’ll take my lot of ideas and thoughts, Thank you.