It’s been awhile since I read Marie Kondo’s books. Like most people, I took a lot away from them. Despite the exhausting days of early Motherhood, I remember taking out my “like” items late at nights and finding those that sparked joy. I think it’s a great way to view not only our current possessions, but also those we plan to bring into our lives. (The mindless “click and buy” and shameless support of the evil Bezos has really got to stop.) I reflect on this sparking joy mentality often and found there are actually very few possessions that I find to be “precious” to me.
I held onto clutter and childhood objects and mounds of paper through waaaay too many moves. I’ve been fine letting go of a majority of it. Unfortunately, not all of us can afford to get rid of clothes that don’t spark joy or fit right as our mama sizes fluctuate during the early childhood stages. And as an avid crafter, adamant reuser, and big believer in sustainable, reuse items (rather than disposables), I have more than people who don’t hold these things dear to their hearts.
But this brings me to my big environmental Kon Mari cringe. Her books say very little about getting rid of your stuff responsibly. It’s as if her mission for a tidy home takes a selfish priority over spending the time donating, recycling, and reusing these items. While she does mention reusing small boxes for organizers, that seems to be the extent of it. (Unless I’m remembering horribly wrong.) I’m not on the mainstream social media, but even I came across photos online of proud Kon Mari followers with bags and bags …and bags of eliminated clutter headed to the dump. The Dump! AHHHHHH! I have heart palpitations just thinking about the mindless followers of her words who just threw stuff away for their own “peace of mind,” while our Earth suffered the consequences.
And then there are kids. Oh, kids. As I was reading the books, I thought to myself, “This woman does not have children.” Or, if she does, she must not let them out to play or live. I was happy to see that when the Netflix show came out there was an episode with a family with two young children. It’s been awhile since I watched it, but I do remember Marie saying her own young daughter loved folding along with her (ummmm…this is NOT my kids) and when asked if her daughter ever didn’t cooperate, there was some sort of response that didn’t sound all too kind. But the real kicker was when these frazzled parents were ready to get started with Marie, and both of their kids (BOTH!) went down for naps!! Our first-born didn’t know what a nap was until she was about three. I remember she once took a 2-hour nap when she was a baby, and I frantically contacted all my mama friends to ask what could be wrong with her. Our son napped, but only until he was about two, and only under very specific circumstances. I turned the Netflix show off after witnessing this baffling 2-kid nap thing, realizing this just wasn’t a reality that matched my own.
Our kids LOVE their stuff! Like, a lot. I remember when one of my friends was super concerned that her two-year old didn’t want to donate his toys. Being on the outside, it was easy to see how ludicrous this sounded. Kids are new to the world, and they’re figuring it out. Their possessions can be a big part of what helps ground them and keeps them comforted while they try to make sense of changes that we adults may not even recognize are happening. Just because a kid doesn’t want to donate their toys doesn’t mean they’re going to turn into some grouchy, miserly adult. In fact, the more a kid can trust that their stuff is “safe,” the less cling-y they will be about stuff in the long-run. In theory, anyway. I think when kids are young, the best you can do is make sure they see your example. Not in an overly dramatic show of things (kids are too smart for that), but make sure they see you going through your things and finding good new homes for what you don’t need or use anymore. Let them see you gift to others, and let them see the joy it brings you in return. And then just sit back and trust.
Yes, all of that was easy for me to see when thinking about it from another person’s concerns. But when it came to my own kids? Yes, I had similar fears. Why didn’t they want to downsize? Why couldn’t they realize that some kids had very little and they had so much? Couldn’t they see the clutter of their toys was making Mama crazy?!! …. But I came to peace with it. (Well, I’m coming to peace with it–it’s a process.) And I realized just how relatively quickly their childhoods will pass. (Although most days it doesn’t feel that way.) My daughter will only want to play with dolls for so long. And my son will only want to sit with us and do puzzle after puzzle for so long. This time is precious and getting hung up on clutter right now just doesn’t make sense.
The great news though, is that A) I’m embracing my clutter lately, rather than fighting against it, and, more importantly, B) Marie Kondo’s site now has a “Mindful Discarding” guide!! (I’m assuming this may have been in response to some very upset critics.) Mind you, the guide is not terribly thorough, but the effort is there. (I read a much better book on tidying and properly disposing of stuff that I will try to track down again soon!)
Anyway, there’s definitely good stuff to take away from Kon Mari (Oh, wait, you’re supposed to be getting rid of stuff…), but hopefully any of the small minority of people who haven’t tried it will be responsible about any future discarding. It does make it harder, for sure. We have piles of stuff in our garage in the in-between phase–we know we’re done with it, but it’s waiting to be donated or reused or sold. And the piles of “specialty recycling” are there too–the batteries, the electronics, the textiles. But if this past year has taught us anything, it’s just how connected we are. So throwing all your clutter in a landfill does not make it disappear. This Earth is our home. Let’s treat our planet with the respect that Marie Kondo insists we give our immediate living spaces.
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