Tag: Thoughts

Thank You, Dana!

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I didn’t set out in this new year for a cleaner home.  In fact, I had recently written a post about why I should just give in and embrace our cluttered home.  But, as a library and learning addict, I found an online event scheduled just two weeks into the new year for a live chat session with an author.  These are hard for me to pass up.  And she wasn’t just any author, she was a de-cluttering expert.  In the name of being prepared for this ultra-cool opportunity of an author talk (I’m just realizing some may think I’m saying this tongue-in-cheek, but I am, I assure you, 100% genuine), I checked out her book on audio to listen to while I did other things.  Not that it would make a difference, I knew, but why not give yet another cleaning book a read?

OH. MY. GOODNESS.  Not two minutes into How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind, I knew I had found my person.  Dana was speaking my clutter language.  I cannot tell you how many times I laughed out loud listening to her, not just because of her casual, entertaining approach, but because she was describing ME!   Finally!  As Dana says in the beginning, “Here’s the dirty little secret about most organizing advice: It’s written by organized people.”  Yes!  Exactly!  I’ve tried different books and different approaches.  The reason I wrote my Embracing Clutter post was because I felt like I just needed to surrender and accept my messy ways.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, seemed to work for me.  A tidy house just did not seem to be in the cards for me this go around.  I have tried.  I know we’d all feel calmer and better in a less-messy house, but I just couldn’t seem to do it.  So, it seemed embracing the mess was my only option.

I started Dana’s audiobook exactly two weeks ago.  I finished listening to it in just a couple of days.  We had people over last week, like it was nothing.  Our living room, our front hall, our bedroom, even our out-of-control kitchen table?  They are all consistently clutter-free.  I kid you not.  It is nothing short of AMAZING!  I fully realize we might be in the ‘honeymoon stage’ here, but it has NEVER been like this.  This is not to say there isn’t more work to do.  This is absolutely, 100% a journey, and an ongoing one at that.  But to have someone so similar to me describe her approach and process has been a complete game-changer for me.  I have so much gratitude.

So, just off the top of my head, here are some of the things Dana said that sound like me and that helped me have some Aha! moments:

–Dana sees potential in everything.  Yes!!  That’s me.  I like how she phrased this, because it is a positive trait to see potential.  As a passionate environmentalist and a lover of projects, stuff just comes with the territory.  In our house, things like empty jars, tin cans, broken objects…all of these are potential projects for me.  I save them with all the best of intentions.  Yes, the majority of people in this current world would see these as trash.  I get it.  I sometimes like to think I am living in another time, a time when people had to find creative ways to reuse what they had since they couldn’t just run out to the market on any given day.  I wanted to Save the World and make up for other people’s wastefulness by making the most of every single item that entered our home.  This is, and continues to be, one of THE hardest parts of de-cluttering for me.  I can send items to a thrift store like it’s nothing, but ask me to throw away old toothpaste caps?  With that, I will struggle.  But seeing potential in everything and having clutter everywhere means I get to do exactly zero of these projects.  Seeing potential in every little thing is a good trait.  It’s sweet, and I see the merit in trying to reuse and be creative.  And it’s not something I plan to fully give up.  But the clutter that it brings is overwhelming.  I know that I am creative.  I know that I do a lot to help make environmentally-good choices and share some of my ideas with others.  But I cannot keep every little thing.  Letting these go – seeing potential and then passing it along – that’s tough.  But it is making a huge difference for me and the state of our house.

–Dana talks about having a low clutter-threshold.  Had I not heard her explanation, this terminology would have confused me.  I would have guessed I had a high clutter threshold, since, like Dana, clutter quickly becomes invisible to me and I easily find ways to work around it.  But what she means is that she needs to live in a home with a minimal amount of clutter, otherwise it will be out of control.  There are some people who can collect items for future gifts or keep more sentimental items, and they make it work.  They manage that amount of stuff and still live in a, well, livable home.  That is not me.  I, like Dana, have a low clutter-threshold.  I actually quite like cleaning and managing stuff, but when there’s too much of it, I just can’t.  And that is the #1 thing that’s made this journey so hard for me.  In the last two weeks, I cannot tell you how much stuff has left our home.  Dana recommends just getting it out the easiest way possible for donation.  I did take several boxes of books to a used bookstore (a wonderful one that donates the rest without me having to do anything!) and I did sell some stuff to a used kids’ stuff shop (they do not keep the rest for donations, but I promised myself I’d take anything they rejected straight to the thrift shop).  But I took boxes and boxes and bags and bags of stuff out of our home.  And there are still more waiting.  I want to get all of it out as soon as possible, because that little sneaky part of me I mentioned above that sees potential in everything likes to creep back in and whisper ideas to me.

–Dana talks about the “container concept.”  Our shelves, our drawers, even our houses themselves – these are containers, and we have to be able to fit the objects we want into these spaces without buying more and more shelves and containers.  I get it.  And I went a little dramatic, maybe, and got rid of two large shelves that just haven’t worked for me in awhile.  They have become stuff and junk collectors.  And as I got stuff out of our home, I realized I didn’t need all the shelves I had at one time collected and wished I had had more of.

–In the book, Dana also talks about a wonderful method of going through stuff.  It is definitely a “slow and steady” method, but it is fabulous.  Many of the organizing books out there suggest an ‘all-in’ (or should I say ‘all-out’?) approach of dumping out an entire drawer or piling up all like items to sort through them.  That might work for some people.  I’ve done this.  And, unfortunately, just days before starting Dana’s book I did one of these, so I’m still dealing with the aftermath.  Yes, I love the grand gesture of this method, and, yes, it is helpful to see all the items at once.  But, for people like me, the excitement of starting in this dramatic way quickly fades.  Life happens.  Dinner happens.  Fatigue sets in from staring at the overwhelming mound.  And then it sits there.  And it is VERY discouraging.  Dana recommends a very different approach.  A one-item-at-a-time deal.  This sounds like it will be mind-numbingly slow.  But, it truly works.  It’s an incredible feeling to deal with each object as you see it, and then…BE. DONE. with it.  Whether you’ve got five minutes or five hours, what’s done at the end, is done.  Wahoo!  Bonus for me, is that by putting away each object as I go through it, I get a lot of movement and extra steps in my day.

–I’m embarrassed to admit to this one, but Dana does, so I will too.  She talks about having a bit of a hero complex.  I’m not even in that many social situations, but- Does part of me think it would be super awesome that if somebody suddenly needed a collection of jar lids for a project that I could step in and hand over loads of them?  Yes.  Yes, I do.  But the truth is, people figure things out.  The other truth is that when things like this have come up,  even in very small ways, I often can’t find the item I would have felt so smug about having.  So, really, this is not a valid reason to keep things.  I know.  It’s obvious.  But it sure helped to have Dana lay it out for me.

–Dana talks about clearing visible spaces first.  Oh, my goodness.  I feel like I should have figured this one out on my own, but it really didn’t occur to me until I heard her say this.  Like many people, I was digging into closets and cluttered spaces to start my clean-out.  Firstly, those are the big, scary projects.  They’re overwhelming.  I avoid them, or I start them without finishing.  Why not start with the spaces we see everyday?  The spaces where we live.  Not only is this so much lovelier to enjoy, but it also builds on the inspiration to keep going.  This concept was huge for me, and I love waking up and walking into our uncluttered living space.

–I forget the term Dana uses for this, but it’s a time-estimation problem.  I actually bought a timer last year because I realized I had this too.  There are tasks that I am sure are going to take forever, and then I set the timer and realize they’re actually quite quick.  Then there are chores I’m sure I can squeeze into a much shorter amount of time, only to realize I have far underestimated.  Knowing the amount of time it takes to unload the dishwasher or fold the clothes or wipe down the sink are actually very helpful for me.  I realize I DO have the time to do these tasks.  They are fast and easy, and I love knowing that keeping our house clean won’t take up my entire day.  It’s manageable.

–And here was one of the biggest things for me.  Dana talks about how having a clean home helps give her time for projects she wants to do.  Ok, I will admit that I have had some very backwards thinking on this for quite a long time.  For one, I will sheepishly admit that when I would see clean homes I had a sour grapes mentality.  I theorized that the people who lived there just didn’t have as many fun, exciting projects that were consuming their lives.  Cleaning was their thing, and that was fine, but I wanted to spend my time in other ways.  Folding and putting aways clothes, picking up at the end of the day, regularly cleaning out…these all seemed like a waste of my valuable creative time when I had ‘better’ things to do.  But the overall truth was that living in chaos was eating up more time and energy than I cared to admit.  Not being able to find a clean pair of socks or a paper I needed.  Frantically picking up so somebody could come over or feeling the stress of a cluttered living room.  All of these things were actually taking away from the time I wanted to spend doing my ‘fun’ projects.  They were robbing my energy and making things more stressful than they needed to be.  By working on getting our life to a base level of clean and then spending the time to maintain this is opening up so much time for me already.

If you haven’t caught on, Dana has become a household name here.  My family is all very familiar with her, as I interject many conversations these days with, “Do you know what Dana says?”  I was amazed by how quickly our home looked different by removing clutter and by starting with the visible spaces.  I may have rattled on about embracing clutter in my previous post, but it sure feels great having a cleared, livable space.

And I absolutely love carrying these concepts into other areas of my life.  Using the one-thing-until-it’s-done method with my work instead of hopping around?  Wonderful!  Realizing my brain space cannot hold onto so many worries?  YAAASSS!  Doing the not-so-fun stuff of life so that I have time for the things I want?  Sounds like a good deal.  The lessons from this book are making a wonderful impact on all areas of my life.

So, Thank You, Dana!  I don’t think I fully realized how much I needed all of this.  Thank you for sharing your stories with those of us who, like you, have looked on, baffled, at others’ clean living spaces for years.  Thank you for helping me realize that we, creative-types, can not only keep a tidy home (while keeping our creativity), but can also benefit from it.  This has been a true gift, and I look forward to the continued positive changes in my living space.

This Changes Everything

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

This Changes Everything (2019)

During our month with Netflix, I’ve tried to be more focused about watching things from our list.  I came across This Changes Everything and thought I’d just preview it for a few minutes to get a feel for it and then move on to something else for the evening.  Well, an hour and a half later…

I really liked this film and think it is such an important one for people to see.  This documentary discusses the underrepresentation and inequality faced by women in Hollywood.  I think it’s important to note though, that the focus is on women.  The stats, the interviews, the stories are about women in Hollywood.  Looking at the low percentages of women writers or directors or female leads, I can only imagine how much smaller (to non-existent) that number is for people of color, transgender people, non-binary people, and so many more.  And while this discrimination is obviously equally important to explore, This Changes Everything‘s focus is women.  There were many criticisms I read about this in reviews, but I personally think it was important for the documentary to keep a focus.  It would be like saying this film should have explored discrimination faced by women in all fields.  The topic is women in Hollywood.  Ok, moving on.

This Changes Everything was a big wake-up call for me.  Even as it began, I seriously thought, ‘Oh, well, maybe this used to be the case, but certainly not now.’  But as more and more women shared their stories and statistics were given, I was shocked.  I guess I didn’t fully realize things like why a big deal was made of Gerwig’s Little Women being directed, written, and produced by women.  I don’t tend to watch a ton of movies and I can be a bit particular in what I choose to spend my time watching, so I’m not always ‘in the know.’  But, I think these low numbers would probably surprise most everyone.  It’s interesting because I feel like the book world has made huge strides recently in representation.  I can find everything from picture books to YA to adult about so many people’s stories.  But, oddly, in the ‘open-minded’ Hollywood, this isn’t the case.  And, as much as I far prefer and adore books, let’s be realistic – The average person is way more likely to experience story on the screen than in a book.

I can understand and appreciate that big change doesn’t happen overnight.  So, seeing responses like these in this link of Hollywood women speaking up might seem awesome, but looong overdue.  But I get it.  It’s a process.  Still, I was very surprised by the inequality that’s been happening in Hollywood this long.  And when audiences continue to hear or see a story from a white, male perspective then that is what we think is the norm.  I really loved Shannon Hale’s post about Do Boys Only Get to Read Half the Books? but it seems that female authors get more opportunities to storytell than females in Hollywood.  It was interesting to think of that from the TV/movie perspective where the women’s perspective isn’t as readily an option.  I heard several times in the documentary that studios weren’t sure if they were willing to risk telling a woman’s story for fear of losing half their audience.  Seriously?  So, much like Hale talks about, women are just expected to watch a male’s view, but men can’t do the same for women?  (Or seriously, like I said, fill in the blank of any minority group.). Do we think so little of men?

And yet, another huge issue of (certain) men being at the helm of these productions has been the gross sexism and appalling behavior that women have had to deal with.  Isn’t it fortunate for this male-centric bubble that the young female actors they most desperately want for these parts are also the ones trying so hard to navigate this new show-business world and become a success that they are more likely to put up with such bull crap?  I loved one quote from the documentary – “Progress will happen when men stand.  It’s the chivalry of the 21st century.”  Although I don’t know much about FX, I loved seeing the male head of this channel really take it to heart that women and minorities were being so under-represented on the network.  He did something about it.  And, when big change and lots of change needs to happen, we really do need the help and support of people ‘on the inside.’  Much like the groups of men in the early 19th century whose votes would decide the fate of women’s suffrage.  And to create change, we also need women to come together in community.  So many of these male-centric stories have shown women pitted against one another in competition and that has influenced our culture.  Even interviews will try to perpetuate this and keep women separate.  We don’t all need to be BFFs, but women need to support each other and stand up for one another.  Divided, alone, and silent is when we fall.  We are stronger together.

And is this gender imbalance in production the same reason our cartoons have been so lopsided for so many years?  Makes sense, I guess, if men are the ones writing and producing them.  I remember when I was teaching elementary school, I used to do an exercise where I had the students think of a male cartoon character.  Preferably a human-looking one for the sake of the exercise.  What did he look like?  What was he wearing?  What were his hobbies?  What did he spend his time talking about?  And then, I asked them to do the same with a female character.  Now, I know things have changed since I did this.  I know they have.  But, is it as balanced now as I’m assuming?  At the time I was doing this with students, Tinker Bell had a huge comeback.  This jealous, mean fairy from 1950s Peter Pan who wears very little clothing and spends a good amount of time pouting or playing mean tricks on the only other female? Yeah, her.  (Link that is hilarious but rated-R) That is not a role model for young girls or an appropriate view of the female for any audience members.  Characters like Tinker Bell are one of the reasons my children have not seen any of the classic Disney films.  And, actually, it was the imbalance of females in cartoon movies that led Geena Davis (producer of This Changes Everything) to start her Institute on Gender in Media in the first place.

So, yes.  We’ve had too many moments of “This Changes Everything!” in this and so many other aspects of the way our world is.  But like that 100th monkey, I just have to believe that all these steps, whether small comebacks in an interview or large movements like MeToo and TimesUp, these will make a difference.  And even though Hollywood, and specifically women in Hollywood, is one, just one, piece of a much, much bigger problem, every change helps.  And whether we agree with it or not, people do look to movies, TV, and celebrities as guides from a young age and into adulthood.  Seeing women’s stories, hearing women stand up for themselves, watching women finally be recognized for their talents and hard work, and not just the dresses they wear to the awards shows, these things all make a difference in how we all view ourselves and those in our lives.  These people in Hollywood – actors, directors, writers, producers, interviewers, critics – they have great power and responsibility to create change.

1-minute video-Ask Better Questions
Tina Fey Talks About Hiring Women Comedy Writers

 

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Why Not?

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I don’t know when or where my 5-year-old picked this up, but lately, his favorite phrase is, “Why not?”  Of course this statement is usually preceded by something like, “Let’s have a cookie, cuz, why not?” or “Let’s watch TV, cuz, why not?”

As adults, we have the life experience to always think of a thousand answers to the “Why not?” question.  We can’t just jump on every whim or thought that crosses our minds.  They could be dangerous or unhealthy or financially irresponsible.  We don’t want to act on things that may cause eventual harm to ourselves or others or our world.  We have the foresight to see the future consequences of our choices.  So, “Why not?” becomes less of a fun philosophy and more of an actual consideration.

But, sometimes the things holding us back from certain goals or actions or trips are fears with no basis or an overthinking that can be safely quieted.  I know that I can’t embrace my son’s philosophy on quite the same level as him and that part of my job as his parent is to help him find that balance too.  But sometimes, every now and then, maybe it’s a good idea to look at that cookie or that idea or that dream and shrug my shoulders and say, “Why not?”

Women, Weight, and Hollywood Delusion

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Can I just vent for a moment about how women’s weight is represented on television and movies?  Yes, I know it’s ‘Hollywood.’  Yes, I know we’re to suspend disbelief for a lot of things that happen in TV and movies and that many of these productions are a space for their audiences to escape reality – a place where characters have funny, witty responses, where life is always interesting, and where loose ends are tied up in the time period allowed.  I get that.  But the way that women have been portrayed, and ARE portrayed, in these worlds has a long way to go.  And dare I say, has some pretty damaging effects.

Gone are the days of TV house mothers vacuuming and cooking in their best dresses.  Gone are the days of women on TV cracking jokes about how eating certain foods will go right to their thighs or hips.  Nope.  Somewhere along the line, it became ‘cool’ for female leads to be relaxed, eat loads of junk food, and act like strangers to exercise.  Of course, all of the women playing these parts are thin and healthy, energetic and entertaining.  Were we to watch an overweight, lethargic woman on TV eating pizza and dissing on health food, audiences would cringe and shake their heads in judgement.  But by trying to make these women seem relatable and ‘fun,’ instead of obsessed with dieting and hitting the gym, media outlets have created even worse issues for women.

Carl’s Jr.’s degrading commercial campaign objectifying women eating hamburgers is one of the earliest instances of this obnoxious trend.  If they showed women who did regularly indulge in those massive, fatty burgers, the ad campaign would have been over before it began (especially considering the stance of slimy, former executive, Andrew Pudzder).  If we want women to truly embrace eating what they want and feeling secure in their bodies, then can we please show a realistic picture of what these lifestyle choices would look like?  These women would be larger (aka “normal-looking”), and if they consistently ate the way many of these female TV characters ate, they’d also probably have some health consequences.  We’d see the effects of their long-term choices in their emotional moods, their energy levels, and even other parts of their appearances, like their eyes or skin.  (For reference, these ads, shows, movies, have spit buckets right out of view for when the director yells, “Cut!”  This food is NOT being consumed by these women.)

There’s a long list of TV shows that have embraced this story plot of the gluttonous, but thin and beautiful woman.  Some of them are shows I really enjoy, but the message sent is an unfortunate one.  Grace Adler, the Gilmore gals, Leslie Knope, Liz Lemon, Jessica Day –  I’m sure many, many others, but I have a limited knowledge of TV –  These women love their takeout and sweets and it’s a big part of their characters to fully embrace this, while simultaneously being horrible at exercise and shunning the idea of eating healthy or even being able to cook a meal.  Do we have to swing so far away from the 1950s woman cooking for others, but not for herself, in order to reach a happy medium?  As much as I appreciate a realistic picture of what women enjoy eating, I actually prefer to see the contestants of the pageant in Miss Congeniality eating what a woman in that position would eat – very little- and acting like a piece of pizza was a foreign object than to see this idiotic idea that women should eat freely, not obsess about her health or the gym, and still look crazy thin.

I recently re-watched Bridget Jones’s Diary, a movie and book I love.  The film starts with Bridget listing her weight as 136 and claiming that she needs to lose 20 pounds.  Yes, pounds, because why list her weight in British stones when we American women can hear the utter absurdness of this number and goal and feel bad about ourselves?  It’s not just that Bridget weighs a certain amount and has this goal for herself; the entire plot is centered around the fact that her weight makes her chubby and undesirable.  For reference, her height and that weight put her exactly in the middle of a normal BMI.  So, I’m sorry.  But, what?!  And the book is worse.  She claims to be 129 “post-Christmas” and says she’s “terrifyingly sliding into obese” when she checks in later at 130.  This book was written by a woman, who was also on the team of screenwriters.  Umm…

Then, there’s Father of the Bride 2.  Another of my favorite rom-com indulgences.  Cute, predictable, comforting, starring Steve Martin – a perfect Sunday afternoon escape.  But when George Banks lists his daughter’s and wife’s 9-month weights as 128 and 132, respectively??!!  It is hard for me not to type an expletive here.  There were not one, but two women as screenwriters on this!  These weights, with their heights puts them directly in the ‘normal’ BMI range WITHOUT being 9 months pregnant!!  Depending on pre-pregnancy weight, a woman should usually be gaining 25-40 pounds in pregnancy, the higher end of that range reserved for those with low BMIs to start with.  These women would have been severely underweight and unhealthy if these were their 9-month weights, which probably would have made it very difficult for the pregnancies to occur in the first place.

And just to digress a little bit here, inspired by FotB2, women’s pregnant bellies in movies and shows are laughingly small.  I must bring up another Steve Martin movie, another favorite of mine, The Big Year.  His daughter-in-law being pregnant is a small side story, but she looks rail thin when announcing she’s 4 months’ pregnant.  And when she introduces (Steve) to her newborn, she’s the exact same rail thin.  Any woman over the age of 20 (and who doesn’t live in Hollywood) and has had a baby, knows that you’re gonna look pregnant for some time afterwards.  Weeks, months, years…whatever.

So, Huzzah to the idea that women should be able to enjoy food, and not just for comedic effect when they’re feeling down about a break-up or something ridiculous like that.  But, for the sake of, well, everyone, regardless of gender, let’s paint a realistic picture of that.  Let’s show people making healthier, balanced choices, or at least show the consequences of not doing that.  Like it or not, audiences take these shows and movies into their subconscious and carry them for life.  Young women may be seriously baffled by the fact that they can’t sit and eat piles of junk food, poke fun at people who use the gym, and then not look like Rory and Lorelai.   Screenwriters, directors, actors, producers – whatever gender you are, stand up for this!  This unrealistic picture of women is no better than the ones from the distant past.  We can do much, much better.

Rubik’s Cube and Possibilities

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Last weekend I learned to solve a Rubik’s cube!  No, I am not a genius, and, Yes, I did use the YouTube to learn how to solve it.  Nevertheless, I’m quite proud of myself.  Our kids had received mini cubes in their Easter baskets, and that afternoon I just decided I was going to learn.  (Side note:  Do not learn on a mini cube; they are frustrating as heck to learn on.)

I grew up in the 1980s, so, of course we had a Rubik’s cube in our game cupboard.  I probably half tried it a few times, but I think I knew the task was out of my reach, so I never put much time or thought into it.  When the Rubik’s cube gained in popularity once more and YouTube was a resource, I still didn’t really care enough to try learning.  But, for some reason, magically, it was time. (Ok, ok. I’m procrastinating on a big project right now, but that’s besides the point.)

I went from being super amazed and proud at solving the cube at all to realizing I could do it in 5 or 6 minutes.  What?!  By the third day, my time was down to about 3 minutes.  And now, a week later and after combining two methods, I’m consistently under 2 1/2 minutes.  I’m certainly not a “speed cuber,” nor do I necessarily aspire to be (ok, maybe a little), but I’m feeling pretty rad about all of this.

But one of the coolest, unexpected side effects of learning The Cube is that I am looking at all the other seemingly difficult things I’ve wanted to learn or accomplish, and it all just seems so….possible.  Learn ASL?  Sure, I can do that.  Working towards my first-ever splits?  Yeah, I got that.  Knitting socks?  Of course.  Writing a book?  No problem.  Threading a Serger?  Why not.  Getting through another day of meltdowns and tantrums? Easy peasy.

There are 43 quintillion (!!!) possibilities on a Rubik’s cube.  Which is totally insane, right?  So, if I can solve that in less than 2 1/2 minutes, just think of all that I could accomplish.