Magazine Gift Wrap

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I’m a big fan of finding alternative ways to wrap gifts. Wrapping paper must go through a lot of manufacturing and transportation to get to us, only to be thrown away in a matter of seconds. And even for those who want to recycle their mounds of wrapping paper, the sad news is that many papers contain gold bits or glitter that make them impossible to recycle.

I love using fabric wrap, but if you don’t prefer that option, wrapping gifts can be super simple by reimagining your old magazines!

MAGAZINES!

Step 1: Reduce
(I say magazines here, but I think of these interchangeably with catalogs, at least for the purpose of gift wrap.)

To reduce magazines, consider whether you’re reading them regularly.  Can you share with a friend or family member?  Can you read the magazine at a library?  Can you read it online instead?

To reduce catalogs, consider whether you need a catalog to view the shop items.  Could you look online instead?  Getting on catalog mailing lists seems mysterious sometimes, but canceling a catalog is easy.  There’s (usually) a phone number on the back and the process takes less than two minutes.  Consider canceling your own unwanted catalogs and maybe those that arrive at your place of work as well.  The less printing, pages, and transportation, the better.

Step 2:  Reuse!
Can you donate your magazine to a friend, family member, or local library?  Sometimes even thrift shops will take magazines, especially if there’s a set.

Step 3:  Reimagine!
There are SO many wonderful projects that use old paper pages; I can’t wait to share more!  But, this post is about gift wrap.  And using magazine/catalog pages as gift wrap is so simple.  It’s eco-friendly, affordable, and, best of all, looks super cute and creative.  If your gift is bigger than a page, no problem.  Just tape several pages together.  I love picking out special images for future wrapping and having them on hand.

This gift wrap idea works great with so many other types of paper – catalogs, old coloring pages, newspapers, phone book pages, old maps, pages from damaged books, and more!

Step 4:  Recycle
Just like you would with any of these pages, recycle when done.

Honoring a Baby Gone Too Soon

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Whether a baby has left through miscarriage, stillbirth, or complications after birth, they deserve to be remembered, honored, and oh, so loved.  Often times people don’t know what to say or what to do to support a family who has lost a baby.  Death of a loved one is so very tough, and when it happens to someone’s child, it’s almost too heartbreaking to know what to do.  I assure you that the short, heartbreaking time you have calling the family or writing to them is nothing compared to the overwhelming grief they feel ALL. The. Time.  On reading about ideas of how to help after infant loss, I came across this #AdventToRemember idea.  I loved this family’s way of honoring their child, and I soon saw there were many other families doing the same for their children.  Although these ideas could definitely be part of a social media support group or specific holiday remembering, I collected some ideas from various sources simply as a list of ways to honor a child gone too soon.  Maybe you’ve been looking for a way to show your love and support of a family who has experienced loss; most parents would love to hear that their baby is being remembered and honored.  Maybe it is your own sweet child you are honoring.  Perhaps one of these ideas resonates more than others.  Do it once.  Or do it monthly or annually.  If you’re a friend or family member, do one of these as your own way of honoring a child or let the parents know with a short message or photo.  If you are the parents, maybe you’d like to share with loved ones what you are doing to honor your baby and invite them to participate.

Baby’s first years are usually filled with recognition of their monthly growth.  Maybe choosing one of these ideas each month could be a way of honoring a baby who has passed away.  Maybe also honoring a child on a holiday can help show your support.  People often think of Christmas or Thanksgiving as the big family gathering times that could use an extra dose of love and support, but other holidays can be painful as well.  Many parents have imagined the fun Halloween costumes their baby would wear.  Maybe a family has a big New Year’s party or backyard 4th of July gathering every year where they take a family photo.  I’m sure every day is unthinkably painful, but I imagine holidays, no matter which ones, and milestone days are especially rough.

I will continue to add to this list as I think of more ideas, but I’m hoping this helps someone, somewhere find inspiration for honoring a baby gone too soon.

–Lighting a Candle

Lighting a candle in honor of Baby is a simple way to honor them.  Maybe you’ll choose to light it on Baby’s date of arriving or leaving, maybe when you’re especially missing Baby, or maybe on a holiday.  In October there’s a beautiful Wave of Light ceremony to honor babies.  We have a designated candle we light to honor loved ones who have passed, but any candle will do.  If you’re a friend or relative of a couple who has lost a child, you might want to let them know in a short message that you’ve lit a candle to honor ____ (SAY their baby’s name here, if Baby was named).

–Donating a Book About Child Loss to a Library, School, Church, Home

Donating a book in Baby’s name would be a very special way to honor your loved one.  A book about infant loss might be an especially apt choice, since these books are often difficult to find.  Having access to a book addressing miscarriage or infant loss could be such a help to a grieving family.  Sometimes libraries are looking for display ideas.  Perhaps you could suggest a display of the books available about these tough topics.

–Writing Baby’s Name

Although it may feel unsettling at first to say Baby’s name (if they have one), parents love to hear their child’s name, even if it aches.  Hearing Baby’s name is a way of knowing that this sweet baby lives on in people’s memories and hearts.  Many parents or family members will write babies’ names in the sand.  This woman took sunset pictures for families who had lost their little ones.  If you don’t live near a beach, try writing Baby’s name in snow, dirt, with stones or leaves.  Do it for your own private moment of honoring or take a photo.  Photos can be framed or collected.  If you’re a friend or family member, take a picture of the baby’s name for the parents and let them know their baby is on your mind and in your heart.

–Participating in/Dedicating a Run

There’s definitely an energy and group spirit to doing a run, even if it’s a virtual one across the miles.  Maybe you could organize friends and family, whether local or long-distance, to run on the same day in Baby’s honor.  If you’re feeling inspired, consider getting small financial sponsorships that can be donated to causes that are important to the family.

There are also many groups who already have annual runs to support programs.  Here are just a few I found while searching:
My Miscarriage Matters
Running with the Angels
Love Never Ends

–Dedicating a Nature Walk

Not all of us are runners, so maybe consider dedicating a Nature walk to Baby.  This idea is more appealing to me than a run, because A) I don’t like running, and B) a walk or hike feels more contemplative and quiet to me.  Maybe you could choose something you see during your walk – a pinecone, a leaf, a stone – and bring it home and put it somewhere as a visual reminder of the baby you’re honoring.

–Donating to a Group that Supports Families Who Have Experienced Loss

Not every local area has a group to support families experiencing infant loss, but there are groups out there.  And some will ship or work long-distance with families.  In many cases, a donation can be made in a Baby’s name.
JLB Project
Empty Arms
Molly Bears
Twinkle Star Project

–Writing in a Journal/Writing a Book/Writing a Poem

This can be a very personal and private way of honoring Baby.  But many grieving parents have also written books or poetry to share with others.  Sometimes friends also write and create books to share in honor of their loved one’s babies.

–Blowing Bubbles

This can be a simple way to honor Baby.  Adults might find a release and peace with the act of taking such thoughtful breaths.  If young kids are involved, it may turn into silly playfulness, but that’s ok too.  Maybe remind the kids ahead of time that you’re going to start though by blowing some bubbles quietly and calmly, just for Baby.

–Doing an Act of Kindness

I love in the AdventToRemember project how many of the families choose to practice acts of kindness in honor of their babies.  What a wonderful way to pass on kindness and truly have Baby be a loving addition to our world.

–Bringing Them with You for the Day

Maybe there’s a special way to “bring” Baby with you for the day or week or always, whether it’s a photo or a piece of jewelry.  Or maybe as simple as writing their name on a piece of paper you carry with you.

–Creating an Altar

Whether it’s a wall of photos and poems and quotes, a quiet place to sit, or even a small token on the mantle, it can be healing to have visual reminders of Baby to keep them close to your heart every day.

–Planting Something

Not having much of a green thumb, I’m hesitant on this one, but many people plant flowers, trees, and gardens with great success in honor of their baby.

–Knitting a Blanket
Rachel’s Gift (As of this writing, still accepting and appreciating blankets.)
Bridget’s Cradles (faith-based)

–Sewing for Bears

Molly Bears offers weighted bears to families who have experienced loss.  They accept donations for sewn inserts, as of this writing.  (They were easy to contact and quick to reply, if you’d like to check before sewing and sending.)

–Volunteering for a Local Support Group

Check with a local support group.  Maybe they need help putting together care packages, reaching out to families, or organizing an event.

–Adding Baby’s Name to a Remembrance List

There are lists online and there are fundraisers with dedicated stones or bricks for names.  Either way, this is something that can be done to honor Baby.

–NICU/Hospital/Midwifery Donation?

(I’m still on my own journey of looking into this.  I didn’t realize at the time how rare and special it was that there was a local support group near us when I miscarried.  I see now that this isn’t always the case.  I’ve been in touch with our local NICU and hospital to see if there’s anything I can do to help or donate to local families who have experienced infant loss.)

There are so many ideas and options out there for honoring babies gone too soon.  Navigating something so big and so heartbreaking will have no paved road for anybody, but I think finding ways to hold these precious beings in our hearts in ways that feel right is the best we can do.  I am wishing anyone who has experienced infant loss a heartfelt and sincere hug.  Words escape me, but I send so much love.

 

Better Than Nothing…Usually: Things Not to Say After a Miscarriage or Pregnancy Loss

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Mostly… MOSTLY… I found it far better to hear something from people after my miscarriage than nothing.  Silence and not acknowledging what had happened, stung more than I can say.  That said, there were definitely some things that were said or done that were hurtful.  And, after reading many articles on the topics of miscarriage and infant loss, I’ve seen some other reoccurring themes of upsetting comments.  I hesitate to even write this, because I think people (including myself!) get so nervous about what to say or not say after a tragedy that they simply ignore (at least, outwardly) the person or ignore the loss.  And that truly, truly sucks.  Also, people have different opinions on what a ‘wrong’ comment is, and I know during heavy grieving, that can change by the hour.  All this being said, I’ll share a couple of the things that upset me, and some of what I’ve read:

-Again, the times people said NOTHING were the worst.  Whether I saw them soon after the miscarriage or months later, there were people who absolutely knew about my miscarriage and said nothing at all.  And I get that life gets crazy and we all get distracted, but I was surprised by the silence.  And sometimes I was also surprised by who stepped up and was present and who wasn’t.  It wasn’t always who I would have guessed.  But the times people didn’t say anything at all or at least offer an extra-long hug or hand squeeze – those times really hurt.

-There were a (fortunately) rare couple instances when people kind of told me in a weird, roundabout way that the miscarriage was my fault.  Someone invited me over for dinner and in a not-so-subtle way let me know that the foods she was serving were the foods that would support a healthy pregnancy.  She had eaten these foods during her ‘successful’ pregnancy, so it felt like she was trying to tell me that had I done the same, I wouldn’t have miscarried.  (As an aside, any woman who has lost a baby has spent a great deal of time blaming herself and her body for failing her baby.  She does not need more of this un-founded guilt.  Zero percent.)

–Medical professionals (not our usual ones, fortunately) basically told me that I had a miscarriage because I had chosen to get pregnant at such an old age.  I was 36.

–One older woman told me that it seems like all the young people are having miscarriages these days.  I don’t think she was trying to suggest it was their fault, but that it was basically dangerous to get pregnant at all(?). I gently suggested maybe more women these days were willing to talk about it and that medical advances let these women know they were pregnant at an earlier stage than might have been possible in years earlier.

 

Some of the articles I’ve read, said these sentiments were also very hurtful:

-‘You’ll forget.’  An implication that this will be a mere bump in the road and won’t mean that much in the long run.

-‘They’re in a better place.’  Whether a family is religious or not, I’m guessing most families feel the best place for their babies is in their arms.

-‘At least you’ve got other kids.’  Uh….  I have no words for this.  If one of your most beloved loved ones passes away, does this mean it shouldn’t effect you because you have other loved ones?  This one baffles me beyond belief.

-‘You’re still so young.’  I think the implication is that the couple could have more children…and then what?  The absurd idea that having other children replaces one who is gone is beyond hurtful.

-‘When are you going to go back to work/try to get pregnant again/stop mourning?’   No.  Nope.  Not ok.

-Basically any sort of comment that a person has mourned too long or shouldn’t be mourning in the way that they are or that they need to move on.    Those comments – no.

-Also, any expectation from the parents to answer questions, respond to messages, show up for events.  I think it’s important to check in and maybe even put out invitations eventually, but with an absolute zero expectation of hearing back.

 

I’m surely missing other ones, but these are some that have come to mind.  In another post I talk about the book, There’s No Good Card for This.  I’m by no means an expert on what to say or not say.  But books like this are a helpful guide.  I don’t think ‘being there’ has to be overthought.  We’re in a time when we can look up articles in an instant about helpful things to say (or NOT say) or we can reach out on social media to get people’s opinions.  But mostly, we can reach out directly via email or text with a hug or a heart or a “I don’t know what to say, but I’m thinking of you and you’re in my heart.”  Or, “I’m thinking of you today.”  There are ways to be there- to show your support without being suffocating and to say you care without saying something hurtful.  Maybe we all need classes on what to say in difficult situations, so we can be present for each other.

(Here’s a podcast episode on the topic of supporting parents after baby loss.)

List of Gift Ideas for After Miscarriage or Infant Loss

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I can only speak from my experience with miscarriage, but here are some thoughts based on what helped me or what I’ve read about in articles and books that have helped others:

  –Be there.  

People are there after a baby is born and healthy.  Be there for the parents, whether physically or emotionally, when the baby is only there in spirit.

  –Meals

People are great at organizing meal trains for families with new babies; trust me, families who have lost babies need this just as much, if not more.

  –Help with chores, groceries

Ditto to above.

  –Say the child’s name

Over and over I read in books and articles how much parents want to hear their baby’s name after a loss.  They are parents.  They want their baby’s memory to live on.  If their baby has been given a name, say their name, write it in the sand or the dirt, keep their memory alive.

  –Physical recovery for the mom

Whether a mother has been through a miscarriage, stillbirth, or birth, her body will have been through quite a lot.  On top of the unimaginable emotional grief, her body will also be recovering.  Gifts like herb baths, heat packs, soft socks, and cozy pajamas can be helpful in providing comfort during physical healing.

  –Offer to send out an email, make calls, texts

Without stepping on any toes, some of these logistics might be helpful for a family who has been through a loss.  While they may want to write up what they want to say, they may need support in sending that message.  They may need someone to go into their computer settings and block baby product ads.  They may (or may not) want help cleaning a nursery.

  –Continue to be there

Like most losses, people are often there in the beginning, and then they get caught up in their own lives and they slowly disappear.  Check in.  A baby’s first year, especially, is usually full of monthly milestones and fun holidays.  These days don’t go unnoticed by parents who don’t have their babies in their arms on those days.  Let them know you’re continuing to think of them.  Even a small text with a heart can remind them they’ve still got support.

  –Offer to take other kids for outings

When a family has other children, they might need support getting those kids to school or activities.  Maybe they just need time and space to grieve alone.  Offer to take other kids to a park or on an outing or take them over night.  That being said, a parent may want to keep their other children especially close, so be understanding of that as well.

–Honor Baby

Find ways of honoring sweet Baby.

 

All of the above are non-present gifts that can feel so much more important than anything else at the time.  But sometimes a tangible item can help say a lot too.

Other ideas:
(While I haven’t ordered from any of these links, they may provide some ideas.  Obviously, do your own research before ordering or donating to any of these links.)

  –Jewelry
baby feet necklace
angel wing necklace
blooming in Heaven
double heart

  –Family painting/photo
loved for a lifetime
family line portrait
our favorite ‘what if’
loved for a lifetime baby outline
birds

  –Book
This can be tricky, because people sometimes resonate or don’t resonate with certain approaches, but it’s worth considering.  I’m compiling a list here.

  –Blank journal
There was a blank journal included in a care package that a baby loss group sent to me after my miscarriage, and I filled in every last inch of it and then got another.  Everyone is different, but for me, writing about what I was going through was one of the most helpful parts of healing.  It doesn’t need to be fancy, and I loved the blank pages vs the lined.  The group drew a small, simple heart on the cover, and it was perfect.

–-Teddy bear/weighted bear
Molly Bears
Twinkle Star Project
Walter’s Bears

  –Frame
no foot too small
every second of my life
our perfect angel
forever in our hearts

  —Jizo statue

  –Candle
Having a specific candle to light on special days or in times of especially strong heartache can be a comfort.  This is the one we use to honor loved ones who have passed, but there are so many others.

 

You may also like:
A list of ways to honor baby
my Pinterest page of ideas