I can only speak from my experience with miscarriage, but here are some thoughts based on what helped me or what I’ve read about in articles and books that have helped others:
–Be there.
People are there after a baby is born and healthy. Be there for the parents, whether physically or emotionally, when the baby is only there in spirit.
–Meals
People are great at organizing meal trains for families with new babies; trust me, families who have lost babies need this just as much, if not more.
–Help with chores, groceries
Ditto to above.
–Say the child’s name
Over and over I read in books and articles how much parents want to hear their baby’s name after a loss. They are parents. They want their baby’s memory to live on. If their baby has been given a name, say their name, write it in the sand or the dirt, keep their memory alive.
–Physical recovery for the mom
Whether a mother has been through a miscarriage, stillbirth, or birth, her body will have been through quite a lot. On top of the unimaginable emotional grief, her body will also be recovering. Gifts like herb baths, heat packs, soft socks, and cozy pajamas can be helpful in providing comfort during physical healing.
–Offer to send out an email, make calls, texts
Without stepping on any toes, some of these logistics might be helpful for a family who has been through a loss. While they may want to write up what they want to say, they may need support in sending that message. They may need someone to go into their computer settings and block baby product ads. They may (or may not) want help cleaning a nursery.
–Continue to be there
Like most losses, people are often there in the beginning, and then they get caught up in their own lives and they slowly disappear. Check in. A baby’s first year, especially, is usually full of monthly milestones and fun holidays. These days don’t go unnoticed by parents who don’t have their babies in their arms on those days. Let them know you’re continuing to think of them. Even a small text with a heart can remind them they’ve still got support.
–Offer to take other kids for outings
When a family has other children, they might need support getting those kids to school or activities. Maybe they just need time and space to grieve alone. Offer to take other kids to a park or on an outing or take them over night. That being said, a parent may want to keep their other children especially close, so be understanding of that as well.
–Honor Baby
Find ways of honoring sweet Baby.
All of the above are non-present gifts that can feel so much more important than anything else at the time. But sometimes a tangible item can help say a lot too.
Other ideas:
(While I haven’t ordered from any of these links, they may provide some ideas. Obviously, do your own research before ordering or donating to any of these links.)
–Jewelry
baby feet necklace
angel wing necklace
blooming in Heaven
double heart
–Family painting/photo
loved for a lifetime
family line portrait
our favorite ‘what if’
loved for a lifetime baby outline
birds
–Book
This can be tricky, because people sometimes resonate or don’t resonate with certain approaches, but it’s worth considering. I’m compiling a list here.
–Blank journal
There was a blank journal included in a care package that a baby loss group sent to me after my miscarriage, and I filled in every last inch of it and then got another. Everyone is different, but for me, writing about what I was going through was one of the most helpful parts of healing. It doesn’t need to be fancy, and I loved the blank pages vs the lined. The group drew a small, simple heart on the cover, and it was perfect.
–-Teddy bear/weighted bear
Molly Bears
Twinkle Star Project
Walter’s Bears
–Frame
no foot too small
every second of my life
our perfect angel
forever in our hearts
–Candle
Having a specific candle to light on special days or in times of especially strong heartache can be a comfort. This is the one we use to honor loved ones who have passed, but there are so many others.
You may also like:
A list of ways to honor baby
my Pinterest page of ideas