Tag: Thoughts

Happy Thoughts

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

In 1990, there was a book published called, 14,000 Things to Be Happy About.  I don’t remember exactly when my family purchased it, but I remember LOVING this book.  We had the daily calendar too.  I remember delighting in filling blank journals with my own lists of happy things:
–rainy, Sunday mornings
–my stuffed animal, Bunny
–freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
…things like that.

What I’ve come to realize about myself is that if I start worrying or thinking negatively, my mind can take off in that direction at an alarming speed.  Scary fast.  BUT, the good news is that my mind can just as easily and quickly take off in the opposite direction of happy thoughts, if I just give it the tiniest bit of guidance.  When I was a young teen, and even a young adult, I was pretty good at finding that space to encourage myself to look for the good and reframe things.  But, in these sleep-deprived, muddled days, I’m struggling with that quite a bit.

It wasn’t recently when reading this lovely post on my friend’s Patreon page that I even remembered my “happy” journals.  She created a “jar of joy” full of beautiful, decorated strips of paper that shared her “moments of goodness.”    I really love this idea.  It seems like a fun, simple way to remember some of the things in life that bring joy.  It got me thinking of different ways to create a collection of happy thoughts:

–happiness or gratitude journals
–a weekly chalkboard space for the family to jot down happy thoughts (Snap a pic at the end of the week, if you’d like.)
–a joy jar for yourself or for friends to contribute to, as well
–maybe a gift of a joy jar to a gift recipient (So, maybe have each guest at a party or reception write down a happy thought or memory associated with the guest(s) of honor.)
–a nightly dinner ritual to say something we’re happy about or grateful for in that moment

Anyway, I think the more we can appreciate about this wonderful Life, the more we will treat ourselves, others, and our world with kindness and respect.  And, in that way, this small act of finding things to be happy about can start changing the world for the better.

(When I looked up the book, 14,000 Things to Be Happy About, I came across this awesome website!  It’s colorful and fun, and when you click each section, including the calendar at the top, you’ll be able to view a list of happy thoughts for that topic.  You can also use the refresh button to the right of the list to get more happy ideas.  It looks like the author, Barbara Ann Kipfer, has many books of collections to help you find the good in your days!)

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The Fisherman and the Businessman

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I saw this story up in a restaurant (well, ok, it was a Jimmy John’s) and thought it was worth repeating.   Many sources state the author of this tale is German author, Heinrich Boll.  You can find versions of this story all over, and they are all quite similar.  Here is one version I found on Paulo Coelho’s blog:

The Fisherman and the Businessman

So many of us judge “success” by what society tells us it is – making more money, gaining promotions, making the most impact, having a bigger house, etc.  But the dictionary definition is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.”  So, if someone’s aim doesn’t line up with the popular idea of what our goals ‘should’ be, but they are accomplishing it, then they have achieved success.  Sounds obvious, but I think even people like myself, who consider themselves on the outskirts of the societal norms and expectations, easily get swept up in these accepted notions of what it means to have a successful life.  It can be hard to detangle the web of what is our own and what has been fed to us.  From time to time (let’s face it, usually after some Internet brainwashing), I’ll suddenly feel like I’m falling short.  Like maybe there’s more I need to be doing with my life to measure up or be making a difference or even just to be happy in my own life.  But, our family has very purposefully made choices that don’t fit a lot of the societal conventions.  So, no, our day-to-day and our milestones aren’t going to look similar to what we see on social media or in magazines or in many circles.  I definitely appreciate stories like the one above or quotes like the one below to help get me back on track and realize that I AM living the life I want.  Sure, like any human, I’m always setting new goals, but as long as my life is matching up with what I want, then I can set down the comparisons and continue finding my best life.

Our Bodies

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Video: If you could change one thing about your body, what would it be?

I get tears and goosebumps every time.  I love, of course, the contrast between the adults and children.  But, I am also in love with the older woman at the end and her outlook.

So interesting how many of the adults’ answers weren’t even their own opinions about their bodies, but other people’s.  ugh.  When?  Where?  Why does this shift happen?  But, again, so hopeful to see it come full circle at the end.

Don’t Force Me to Hug

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I saw this on A Mighty Girl.  I know some agree and some don’t, but it’s definitely something to think about.  Interesting how all the things we want when our kids are little, “Just do as I say,” “Eat what I tell you to eat,” “Sleep in, for goodness sake!” “Stop bothering me,” etc. are all the things we try desperately to change in them when they’re teenagers–“Stand up for yourself!” “Make your own wise choices,” “Get out of bed!” “Spend more time with me…please.”   Or, in the case of this one, “Just hug this person, even if you don’t want to…” vs. “Respect your body.”

I, for one, am in very strong agreement with the message here, although I couldn’t claim for certain that I’ve never tried to encourage a hug to a relative.  I’ve never liked the idea of forcing kids to be affectionate or share.  Heck, most adults I know wouldn’t want to be forced to share their favorite “toys” with others.  I certainly wouldn’t want to be forced to “play” or hang out with someone I didn’t like, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be forced to be affectionate to someone.  (Don’t even get me started on the crying, screaming, forced Santa’s lap pictures.)

As a parent of a little girl, I’m especially sensitive to a situation like this.  She needs to be respecting her comfort zone, not catering to another person’s wishes.  Fortunately, we haven’t been faced with much of this, but I’ve heard about this situation again and again from other parents.  Almost 100% of the time, it is a grown male (a grandpa, an uncle, a close family friend) who is being pouty and sensitive about a little girl not hugging him or kissing him or even giving him High 5s.  (Don’t know why little boys are excused from this…)  Some people think that relatives and close friends are exempt from a young kids’ discomfort with a situation like this.  I, however, believe my kid needs to know that her comfort is respected above all, especially above some grown man’s hurt feelings about not getting the physical contact he wants.  In my opinion, this cannot be taught too soon.   Anyway, I don’t see how forcing someone to show an affection they don’t feel is a good thing anyway.  Let adults be the adults in the situation.  To me, this lesson is not one to back down on.  …  All easier said than navigated in real life, of course, but I think this one is too important to ignore.

Do Boys Only Get to Read Half the Books?

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Just read this post from one of my favorite authors, Shannon Hale.  She talks about how many boys tend to feel, or are trained to feel, that they can’t read books with female leads.

“We talk about how girls get to read any book they want, but some people try to tell boys that they can only read half the books. I say that this isn’t fair,” Hale tells her school assemblies.  

Ms. Hale’s article discusses the way parents and teachers talk to children about “girl” books and even the way she, as a female author, is presented.  Shannon Hale’s books include The Princess Academy trilogy and The Books of Bayern (amongst many others), all with strong female leads.  A book festival committee member told her, “Last week we met to choose a keynote speaker for next year. I suggested you, but another member said, ‘What about the boys?’ so we chose a male author instead.”  When Ms. Hale went to speak with to a middle school recently, the teachers only invited the girls.  Yet, with the last visiting author, a male, everyone was invited.  What is this teaching these kids?

This post discusses many of these stereotypes we hold about boys and girls and what kinds of stories or characters they will enjoy.  I like that Shannon, herself, admits to having been guilty of these assumptions.  I know I’ve done it plenty of times.  While I love Ms. Hale’s books, I’ve probably shied away from recommending them to boys or have added the caveat, “I think you’ll enjoy this book, EVEN THOUGH it’s about a girl.”  That isn’t fair.  To anyone.  Some say, “It’s just a book and this is nothing to get so worked up about,” but I’m with Shannon.  This kind of approach and thinking can plant the seed for toxic beliefs and assumptions.  As Hale says, we’ve gotten to the point where, “A boy feels embarrassed to read a book about a girl. To care about a girl. To empathize with a girl.”  This way of thinking need to change.

 

For a reading of this essay and a conversation about this essay, visit KidLitWomen.

“For many years now, girls have been encouraged to stake a claim to everything that is coded as masculine and to claim their right to the entire pie, not just half.  Boys have that same right.”
p. 200 of The Swedish Way to Parent and Play

 

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