Thank You, Dana!

Posted on January 19, 2023February 1, 2023 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I didn’t set out in this new year for a cleaner home. In fact, I had recently written a post about why I should just give in and embrace our cluttered home. But, as a library and learning addict, I found an online event scheduled just two weeks into the new year for a live chat session with an author. These are hard for me to pass up. And she wasn’t just any author, she was a de-cluttering expert. In the name of being prepared for this ultra-cool opportunity of an author talk (I’m just realizing some may think I’m saying this tongue-in-cheek, but I am, I assure you, 100% genuine), I checked out her book on audio to listen to while I did other things. Not that it would make a difference, I knew, but why not give yet another cleaning book a read?

OH. MY. GOODNESS. Not two minutes into How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind, I knew I had found my person. Dana was speaking my clutter language. I cannot tell you how many times I laughed out loud listening to her, not just because of her casual, entertaining approach, but because she was describing ME! Finally! As Dana says in the beginning, “Here’s the dirty little secret about most organizing advice: It’s written by organized people.” Yes! Exactly! I’ve tried different books and different approaches. The reason I wrote my Embracing Clutter post was because I felt like I just needed to surrender and accept my messy ways. Nothing, and I mean nothing, seemed to work for me. A tidy house just did not seem to be in the cards for me this go around. I have tried. I know we’d all feel calmer and better in a less-messy house, but I just couldn’t seem to do it. So, it seemed embracing the mess was my only option.

I started Dana’s audiobook exactly two weeks ago. I finished listening to it in just a couple of days. We had people over last week, like it was nothing. Our living room, our front hall, our bedroom, even our out-of-control kitchen table? They are all consistently clutter-free. I kid you not. It is nothing short of AMAZING! I fully realize we might be in the ‘honeymoon stage’ here, but it has NEVER been like this. This is not to say there isn’t more work to do. This is absolutely, 100% a journey, and an ongoing one at that. But to have someone so similar to me describe her approach and process has been a complete game-changer for me. I have so much gratitude.

So, just off the top of my head, here are some of the things Dana said that sound like me and that helped me have some Aha! moments:

–Dana sees potential in everything. Yes!! That’s me. I like how she phrased this, because it is a positive trait to see potential. As a passionate environmentalist and a lover of projects, stuff just comes with the territory. In our house, things like empty jars, tin cans, broken objects…all of these are potential projects for me. I save them with all the best of intentions. Yes, the majority of people in this current world would see these as trash. I get it. I sometimes like to think I am living in another time, a time when people had to find creative ways to reuse what they had since they couldn’t just run out to the market on any given day. I wanted to Save the World and make up for other people’s wastefulness by making the most of every single item that entered our home. This is, and continues to be, one of THE hardest parts of de-cluttering for me. I can send items to a thrift store like it’s nothing, but ask me to throw away old toothpaste caps? With that, I will struggle. But seeing potential in everything and having clutter everywhere means I get to do exactly zero of these projects. Seeing potential in every little thing is a good trait. It’s sweet, and I see the merit in trying to reuse and be creative. And it’s not something I plan to fully give up. But the clutter that it brings is overwhelming. I know that I am creative. I know that I do a lot to help make environmentally-good choices and share some of my ideas with others. But I cannot keep every little thing. Letting these go – seeing potential and then passing it along – that’s tough. But it is making a huge difference for me and the state of our house.

–Dana talks about having a low clutter-threshold. Had I not heard her explanation, this terminology would have confused me. I would have guessed I had a high clutter threshold, since, like Dana, clutter quickly becomes invisible to me and I easily find ways to work around it. But what she means is that she needs to live in a home with a minimal amount of clutter, otherwise it will be out of control. There are some people who can collect items for future gifts or keep more sentimental items, and they make it work. They manage that amount of stuff and still live in a, well, livable home. That is not me. I, like Dana, have a low clutter-threshold. I actually quite like cleaning and managing stuff, but when there’s too much of it, I just can’t. And that is the #1 thing that’s made this journey so hard for me. In the last two weeks, I cannot tell you how much stuff has left our home. Dana recommends just getting it out the easiest way possible for donation. I did take several boxes of books to a used bookstore (a wonderful one that donates the rest without me having to do anything!) and I did sell some stuff to a used kids’ stuff shop (they do not keep the rest for donations, but I promised myself I’d take anything they rejected straight to the thrift shop). But I took boxes and boxes and bags and bags of stuff out of our home. And there are still more waiting. I want to get all of it out as soon as possible, because that little sneaky part of me I mentioned above that sees potential in everything likes to creep back in and whisper ideas to me.

–Dana talks about the “container concept.” Our shelves, our drawers, even our houses themselves – these are containers, and we have to be able to fit the objects we want into these spaces without buying more and more shelves and containers. I get it. And I went a little dramatic, maybe, and got rid of two large shelves that just haven’t worked for me in awhile. They have become stuff and junk collectors. And as I got stuff out of our home, I realized I didn’t need all the shelves I had at one time collected and wished I had had more of.

–In the book, Dana also talks about a wonderful method of going through stuff. It is definitely a “slow and steady” method, but it is fabulous. Many of the organizing books out there suggest an ‘all-in’ (or should I say ‘all-out’?) approach of dumping out an entire drawer or piling up all like items to sort through them. That might work for some people. I’ve done this. And, unfortunately, just days before starting Dana’s book I did one of these, so I’m still dealing with the aftermath. Yes, I love the grand gesture of this method, and, yes, it is helpful to see all the items at once. But, for people like me, the excitement of starting in this dramatic way quickly fades. Life happens. Dinner happens. Fatigue sets in from staring at the overwhelming mound. And then it sits there. And it is VERY discouraging. Dana recommends a very different approach. A one-item-at-a-time deal. This sounds like it will be mind-numbingly slow. But, it truly works. It’s an incredible feeling to deal with each object as you see it, and then…BE. DONE. with it. Whether you’ve got five minutes or five hours, what’s done at the end, is done. Wahoo! Bonus for me, is that by putting away each object as I go through it, I get a lot of movement and extra steps in my day.

–I’m embarrassed to admit to this one, but Dana does, so I will too. She talks about having a bit of a hero complex. I’m not even in that many social situations, but- Does part of me think it would be super awesome that if somebody suddenly needed a collection of jar lids for a project that I could step in and hand over loads of them? Yes. Yes, I do. But the truth is, people figure things out. The other truth is that when things like this have come up, even in very small ways, I often can’t find the item I would have felt so smug about having. So, really, this is not a valid reason to keep things. I know. It’s obvious. But it sure helped to have Dana lay it out for me.

–Dana talks about clearing visible spaces first. Oh, my goodness. I feel like I should have figured this one out on my own, but it really didn’t occur to me until I heard her say this. Like many people, I was digging into closets and cluttered spaces to start my clean-out. Firstly, those are the big, scary projects. They’re overwhelming. I avoid them, or I start them without finishing. Why not start with the spaces we see everyday? The spaces where we live. Not only is this so much lovelier to enjoy, but it also builds on the inspiration to keep going. This concept was huge for me, and I love waking up and walking into our uncluttered living space.

–I forget the term Dana uses for this, but it’s a time-estimation problem. I actually bought a timer last year because I realized I had this too. There are tasks that I am sure are going to take forever, and then I set the timer and realize they’re actually quite quick. Then there are chores I’m sure I can squeeze into a much shorter amount of time, only to realize I have far underestimated. Knowing the amount of time it takes to unload the dishwasher or fold the clothes or wipe down the sink are actually very helpful for me. I realize I DO have the time to do these tasks. They are fast and easy, and I love knowing that keeping our house clean won’t take up my entire day. It’s manageable.

–And here was one of the biggest things for me. Dana talks about how having a clean home helps give her time for projects she wants to do. Ok, I will admit that I have had some very backwards thinking on this for quite a long time. For one, I will sheepishly admit that when I would see clean homes I had a sour grapes mentality. I theorized that the people who lived there just didn’t have as many fun, exciting projects that were consuming their lives. Cleaning was their thing, and that was fine, but I wanted to spend my time in other ways. Folding and putting aways clothes, picking up at the end of the day, regularly cleaning out…these all seemed like a waste of my valuable creative time when I had ‘better’ things to do. But the overall truth was that living in chaos was eating up more time and energy than I cared to admit. Not being able to find a clean pair of socks or a paper I needed. Frantically picking up so somebody could come over or feeling the stress of a cluttered living room. All of these things were actually taking away from the time I wanted to spend doing my ‘fun’ projects. They were robbing my energy and making things more stressful than they needed to be. By working on getting our life to a base level of clean and then spending the time to maintain this is opening up so much time for me already.

If you haven’t caught on, Dana has become a household name here. My family is all very familiar with her, as I interject many conversations these days with, “Do you know what Dana says?” I was amazed by how quickly our home looked different by removing clutter and by starting with the visible spaces. I may have rattled on about embracing clutter in my previous post, but it sure feels great having a cleared, livable space.

And I absolutely love carrying these concepts into other areas of my life. Using the one-thing-until-it’s-done method with my work instead of hopping around? Wonderful! Realizing my brain space cannot hold onto so many worries? YAAASSS! Doing the not-so-fun stuff of life so that I have time for the things I want? Sounds like a good deal. The lessons from this book are making a wonderful impact on all areas of my life.

So, Thank You, Dana! I don’t think I fully realized how much I needed all of this. Thank you for sharing your stories with those of us who, like you, have looked on, baffled, at others’ clean living spaces for years. Thank you for helping me realize that we, creative-types, can not only keep a tidy home (while keeping our creativity), but can also benefit from it. This has been a true gift, and I look forward to the continued positive changes in my living space.

Witches: The Transformative Power of Women Working Together

Posted on January 22, 2021February 6, 2021 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Witches: The Transformative Power of Women Working Together (2019)
by Sam George-Allen

(This book has SOoo much to reflect on that I know this post will be a series of digressions, and, for that, I apologize in advance.)

I picked this book up in a round-about way. After reading Anna Meriano’s Love Sugar Magic series with my seven-year-old, she was all about brujas (witches). There were spells and grinding of herbs and all sorts of make-believe happening here. As I usually do in these situations, I hopped online and ordered every single witch or spell book I could find at the local library.

Many of the books we ended up with weren’t quite what I was looking for at the time, but this one by Sam George-Allen pulled me in immediately. It’s a book written for adults, but this book reaches far beyond the reader. And while I didn’t read this to my daughter (yet), it will most certainly effect how I relate with her. This isn’t a book about potions and cauldrons and brooms. As the title explains, it’s a book about women coming together. The chapters in the book cover different groups of women–everything from farmers to dancers. Trans women to nuns. Every single chapter captivated me. I often fly through books that I enjoy as much as I did this one, but I think I knew early on that George-Allen’s book was going to require some serious time and thought on my part. I can honestly say this book has contributed to a big shift in my thinking and will continue to do so.

Like the author admits in the Introduction, I, too, have held some huge misconceptions about women in the past, despite calling myself a feminist. I was very swept up with the cultural idea that women were “drama,” and I spent a good part of my young adult life priding myself on the fact that most of my good friends were guys. I poked fun at cheerleaders and sororities, or, really, any sisterhood of women.

The shift to recognizing the importance of women in my life has been a gradual one. Years ago, I worked with a wonderful group of women who spoke often of women’s groups and the power of women getting together. And still it didn’t fully sink in for me. It was really my transition into motherhood (oddly, only in that the author clearly states she doesn’t aspire to be a mother) that really connected me with other women and helped me see the value and power in female friendships. Even though not all my good friends are mothers, and while I do very much respect and value women who consciously choose that path, I know that motherhood was my initiation into the female circle. Not because it hadn’t welcomed me previously, but because I hadn’t let it.

I remember taking rare and sacred walks by myself when my first-born was a baby. As I walked, I thought about the baby I had carried and the birthing I had been through, and I knew that despite fatigue and uncertainty in this new passage of life, I was absolutely THE strongest and proudest I had ever been. I remember passing by male friends in the neighborhood and waving and smirking to myself. I was a freakin’ warrior! They would never know the deep power I knew. I was connected to generation upon generation of women who had been through the same birthing rites. Motherhood put me in circles of midwives and moms at La Leche meetings. I connected with my friends who were mothers on a deeper and richer level. And, those deep bonds carried over into my friendships with women who don’t have kids as well. My relationships with the women in my family have also seen undeniable benefits since my initiation into motherhood. My circle of women now is strong and so important to my life.

The chapter in George-Allen’s book on make-up blew my mind. Just as in my admission earlier that I used to shy away from too many friendships with women, I’ve also let myself develop some pretty whacky ideas about hair and make-up. I considered these things way too “girly” for me. (And HOW and WHY did an actual word built from the word “girl” develop a negative connotation?! I’m embarrassed I’ve used it in such a way and for so long.) This book opened up my eyes to an amazing example of the powerful feminine right in front of me–our daughter. When she was a baby, I refused to put her in pink dresses or headbands or anything that would be too “girly girl.” (There it is again!) I had read Peg Orenstein’s Cinderella Ate My Daughter book, and while I don’t remember much of the book now, I did have a great dread of our daughter going down the princess route. Reflecting on the princess culture would take me off into another long tangent, so I will just say that our girl is strong and feisty and independent… AND loves, LOVES dressing up in pretty dresses and putting on pretend make-up and fixing her hair. I’m quick to tell people she’s just as comfortable in fancy dresses as she is in a Hiccup or Woody costume, but, again, this implies that it is somehow only “okay” for her to be feminine IF she also embraces the masculine?.. Anyhow, reading the make-up chapter was a complete shift in my thinking. And it has helped me look to my seven-year-old in awe. She is an example of a true feminist. She embraces her femininity with enthusiasm and pride, while still asking questions like, “Why aren’t there more Lego women represented on this police force?” when watching YouTube, or asking questions I’d never thought to, like these ones here. I guess it’s no wonder this girl was born on International Women’s Day.

As you can see, Witches gives a lot of room for reflection. I haven’t even touched on the revelations I had while reading chapters like the ones about sex workers or nuns. Each chapter is its own beautiful, eye-opening exploration of the power of women coming together. For too long now, many women have been taught to see each other as competition or have been too busy putting one another down. Perhaps this has worked to some males’ perceived advantage to keep this isolation and rivalry going on between women. Because when women do come together? Well, magical, powerful change happens. We’re starting to see more and more of this. And, wow, does our world need it.

The Brave Learner

Posted on March 19, 2020July 3, 2020 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

The Brave Learner
by Julie Bogart

A few months ago, I remember wishing I had a veteran homeschool mother to talk to. Someone who had made it through the journey and could offer me the comfort and wisdom that all of this really would work. That we hadn’t ruined our children by not teaching the standards and keeping to the schedule. That we would be ok, even if we didn’t ever quite perfect the housecleaning schedule or meal plan. That even if we broke down into not-so-great versions of ourselves in a ludicrous effort to “help” our kids be forced into better versions of THEMselves, that we would still be ok.

Granted, we are at the beginning of this homeschooling journey and this book only just came out recently. But, I feel like it’s what I’ve been searching for all along. I come away from reading it feeling more peaceful about homeschooling, but also about our whole parenting and adult journey. I almost feel like if I do little else with my kid for the next few weeks but really take in this book, it would be time well spent. But, of course, learning is always happening, and that’s part of what I love about this book. It’s almost like it’s giving me permission to do what I’ve felt in my gut is right all along. The lengthy conversations and explanations our daughter begs for. Storytelling and asking questions together. Playing and reading and supporting the kids in following through with their ideas. Even though I feel like a very relaxed, flexible homeschool mama, my former life as a teacher, and, frankly (as much as I say it doesn’t) societal expectations, often get in the way of me just following my gut.

The Brave Learner will be a touchstone during this homeschool journey. And I am overjoyed to discover all the other resources Ms. Bogart offers. Her Brave Writer program, her podcast, her poetry teatime, for goodness sake. I cannot recommend this book highly enough!

When Jessie Came Across the Sea

Posted on November 25, 2019July 17, 2020 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

When Jessie Came Across the Sea
written by Amy Hest, illustrated by P.J. Lynch 1997

This picture book tells the story of Jessie, a girl living with her grandmother in a small village in Europe. When she is chosen to go to America, Jessie must leave the life she knew and make the tough, exciting journey alone. This picture book, although not super long, sometimes feels like an entire novel when I read it, in that it covers so many emotions and so much story. I cry at the end every time. This is a great book to read whenever, but especially if you’re studying immigration.

Dreaming of America: An Ellis Island Story

Posted on October 31, 2019 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

written by Eve Bunting, illustrated by Ben F. Stahl

Fifteen-year old, Annie, and her younger brothers are on a ship to America from their home in Ireland. Their parents had already settled in America three years before. The journey isn’t always an easy one, but Annie does her best to keep everyone’s spirits up, and their new friend helps them out when he can. When they finally arrive at Ellis Island, the book offers a gasp-inspiring surprise for the reader (or at least for me, it did). While this book is fiction, it is based on the story of three actual travelers from the 1890s.

We picked this book up while studying Ellis Island. To be honest, I don’t know that I would have found it otherwise. But I’m so glad we read it. I love that the book offers beautiful illustrations as well as actual photographs from the time period. I sob out loud every time I read this to our daughter, to the point where I can’t get words out—always a sign of great book.