Dance Update

Posted on April 27, 2022February 6, 2023 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Two years ago, just 2 months into Covid shutdowns, our daughter told me she’d like to stop doing ballet. After years of showing a passion for dance, she had finally just started lessons. (Come on!) We had found a wonderful, supportive studio, and my daughter’s wish to stop really threw me. I wrote about it here.

But, dancing in a dance studio and dancing in our foyer with a computer screen are very different things. She was so young and so new to ballet to be able to cope with the Zoom world of classes. And, so, with a heavy heart and a very big effort to keep the faith that she would find another creative outlet that fit her so well, I supported her decision to stop. Of course we talked about it, and I was honest about my feelings and concerns, but, ultimately, I wasn’t going to ‘force’ her to stay. (I don’t think anyone could force this girl to do anything anyway.) So, she left the Zoom classes at the end of the session, and she didn’t talk about ballet classes for a whole year. Occasionally she’d dance in the living room, and she started expressing her love for dance through other dance forms, but ballet class seemed to be history. And then one day, I don’t know why, it wasn’t.

She asked if she could take classes again. I was beyond thrilled. Turns out we had missed a dramatic year of ballet anyway. The classes had fluctuated from in-person to Zoom, masks to no masks, with some families on board with the studio’s constant efforts to stick by the state’s protocols, and some who were a little less understanding. Our return timing felt perfect.

I’ve watched our daughter progress these last 8 months or so, growing in her skills and confidence and expression. Every night at dinner we share a highlight of our day and a proud moment. And, without fail, every single ballet class day since she went back, our daughter tells us class was her favorite and proudest part of that day. As a parent, my heart is warmed to see our child have something she loves so much and feels so proud of. I know that there may be future times where she wants to stop, and I’m not sure how we’ll handle those. I know there may be other things our kids ask to stop and never want to return to (even if they’re the things we, parents, really love). But, ultimately, I know these are their journeys to live. And as much as my over-thinking, worrying mind likes to interfere, I know at some point I just have to trust that their Life journeys will unfold exactly as they’re supposed to. In the meantime though, I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the dancing.

Old Movie Stars Dance to Uptown Funk

Posted on May 27, 2021 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Old Movie Stars Dance to Uptown Funk

This makes me smile on a lot of different levels. Watching a montage of such amazing dancers, the absolutely INCREDIBLE editing and selection, and, frankly, just the idea of dance and music across the ages is inspiring.

The comments say it:

“No one searched for this, but everybody is happy they found it.”
“I could watch this every day and always enjoy it.”
“That is one of the most worthwhile things I’ve ever seen on YouTube.”
“I don’t know how many YouTube videos I’ve watched, but all I can say is…You Won.”

Check it out if you have a moment.

Witches: The Transformative Power of Women Working Together

Posted on January 22, 2021February 6, 2021 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Witches: The Transformative Power of Women Working Together (2019)
by Sam George-Allen

(This book has SOoo much to reflect on that I know this post will be a series of digressions, and, for that, I apologize in advance.)

I picked this book up in a round-about way. After reading Anna Meriano’s Love Sugar Magic series with my seven-year-old, she was all about brujas (witches). There were spells and grinding of herbs and all sorts of make-believe happening here. As I usually do in these situations, I hopped online and ordered every single witch or spell book I could find at the local library.

Many of the books we ended up with weren’t quite what I was looking for at the time, but this one by Sam George-Allen pulled me in immediately. It’s a book written for adults, but this book reaches far beyond the reader. And while I didn’t read this to my daughter (yet), it will most certainly effect how I relate with her. This isn’t a book about potions and cauldrons and brooms. As the title explains, it’s a book about women coming together. The chapters in the book cover different groups of women–everything from farmers to dancers. Trans women to nuns. Every single chapter captivated me. I often fly through books that I enjoy as much as I did this one, but I think I knew early on that George-Allen’s book was going to require some serious time and thought on my part. I can honestly say this book has contributed to a big shift in my thinking and will continue to do so.

Like the author admits in the Introduction, I, too, have held some huge misconceptions about women in the past, despite calling myself a feminist. I was very swept up with the cultural idea that women were “drama,” and I spent a good part of my young adult life priding myself on the fact that most of my good friends were guys. I poked fun at cheerleaders and sororities, or, really, any sisterhood of women.

The shift to recognizing the importance of women in my life has been a gradual one. Years ago, I worked with a wonderful group of women who spoke often of women’s groups and the power of women getting together. And still it didn’t fully sink in for me. It was really my transition into motherhood (oddly, only in that the author clearly states she doesn’t aspire to be a mother) that really connected me with other women and helped me see the value and power in female friendships. Even though not all my good friends are mothers, and while I do very much respect and value women who consciously choose that path, I know that motherhood was my initiation into the female circle. Not because it hadn’t welcomed me previously, but because I hadn’t let it.

I remember taking rare and sacred walks by myself when my first-born was a baby. As I walked, I thought about the baby I had carried and the birthing I had been through, and I knew that despite fatigue and uncertainty in this new passage of life, I was absolutely THE strongest and proudest I had ever been. I remember passing by male friends in the neighborhood and waving and smirking to myself. I was a freakin’ warrior! They would never know the deep power I knew. I was connected to generation upon generation of women who had been through the same birthing rites. Motherhood put me in circles of midwives and moms at La Leche meetings. I connected with my friends who were mothers on a deeper and richer level. And, those deep bonds carried over into my friendships with women who don’t have kids as well. My relationships with the women in my family have also seen undeniable benefits since my initiation into motherhood. My circle of women now is strong and so important to my life.

The chapter in George-Allen’s book on make-up blew my mind. Just as in my admission earlier that I used to shy away from too many friendships with women, I’ve also let myself develop some pretty whacky ideas about hair and make-up. I considered these things way too “girly” for me. (And HOW and WHY did an actual word built from the word “girl” develop a negative connotation?! I’m embarrassed I’ve used it in such a way and for so long.) This book opened up my eyes to an amazing example of the powerful feminine right in front of me–our daughter. When she was a baby, I refused to put her in pink dresses or headbands or anything that would be too “girly girl.” (There it is again!) I had read Peg Orenstein’s Cinderella Ate My Daughter book, and while I don’t remember much of the book now, I did have a great dread of our daughter going down the princess route. Reflecting on the princess culture would take me off into another long tangent, so I will just say that our girl is strong and feisty and independent… AND loves, LOVES dressing up in pretty dresses and putting on pretend make-up and fixing her hair. I’m quick to tell people she’s just as comfortable in fancy dresses as she is in a Hiccup or Woody costume, but, again, this implies that it is somehow only “okay” for her to be feminine IF she also embraces the masculine?.. Anyhow, reading the make-up chapter was a complete shift in my thinking. And it has helped me look to my seven-year-old in awe. She is an example of a true feminist. She embraces her femininity with enthusiasm and pride, while still asking questions like, “Why aren’t there more Lego women represented on this police force?” when watching YouTube, or asking questions I’d never thought to, like these ones here. I guess it’s no wonder this girl was born on International Women’s Day.

As you can see, Witches gives a lot of room for reflection. I haven’t even touched on the revelations I had while reading chapters like the ones about sex workers or nuns. Each chapter is its own beautiful, eye-opening exploration of the power of women coming together. For too long now, many women have been taught to see each other as competition or have been too busy putting one another down. Perhaps this has worked to some males’ perceived advantage to keep this isolation and rivalry going on between women. Because when women do come together? Well, magical, powerful change happens. We’re starting to see more and more of this. And, wow, does our world need it.

When to Encourage and When to Let Go

Posted on June 1, 2020April 28, 2022 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Our daughter has been dancing since she first saw The Nutcracker at age two. No, I take that back. She’s been dancing since she was in the womb. Ever since she began moving in my belly, I always said, “This baby is dancing!” We purposefully kept her away from formal lessons for many years, so she could just enjoy and fall in love with dancing and moving in ways that brought her joy. Her love for dance radiates as she performs for us in the living room or at a park. Her indoor shows are always complete with costumes and original choreography and delightful music. But along with this obvious passion for dance, we’ve also been amazed at watching our daughter’s grace and natural abilities as a dancer. Every parent thinks their kid is incredible, so I totally get that we are biased here, but her dancing leaves us (and other adults who love her) truly amazed.

Last year we moved and found a magnificent dance studio – Wonderfully kind owners who also have the talent and experience to help support dancers who have gone on into professional companies. Teachers who teach and expect quality, while also being funny and gentle and human. A great and safe community of supportive kids and parents. – Everything we could have asked for.

Granted, it’s been a strange year indeed, with the ending of the dance year being on Zoom and her first-ever recital being cancelled. Very small prices to pay in the scheme of our world right now, but these things can be huge, especially for a new dancer. Our feisty girl, who usually speaks her mind quite loudly and forcefully at times, approached me very calmly a few weeks before the dance year was ending and told me she’d like to finish out the session and then be done.

My heart sank. My mind went reeling. I never thought I’d be a parent who “pushed” their kid into doing something, but that’s all I wanted to do. I know it doesn’t make sense, and there is no way to make this girl do anything she doesn’t want to do. I’ve watched kids be miserable and resentful as their parents claim they can’t be “quitters.” And that’s not the route I want to take. As this attached article says:

“Many American parents are allergic to quitting. They’d rather raise a villain than a quitter.”

But when I actually found myself in the situation, it all became more complicated. Here it is, the end of a session, perfect timing. But, what about all her potential? As an adult, can’t I see a few steps ahead? Isn’t that part of my job? Haven’t I heard almost every adult I know wish they had kept going with fill-in-the-blank when they were younger? (Although most often, for some reason, piano lessons.) Would we be doing her a disservice just “letting” her stop, or is that just us respecting her wishes?

“Let’s take out the word “push.” It’s not a word that’s going to get you anywhere positive with your child. Instead, reframe this as “support.”

Is there a way you can support your child to take on these challenges with determination and courage?”

I love that she knows what she wants or doesn’t want and speaks her mind about it. I want her opinion to feel as respected as it’s always been. I also liked this from the article:

“It doesn’t really matter whether she dances. What matters is that you see this as an opportunity to support her in a clear-minded and compassionate manner.”

It’s always a case-by-case basis. And reading the comments below the article was encouraging. I feel like many of the parents I’ve met or overheard do have the “my-kid-will-do-this-because-I-said-so” mentality, so it was refreshing to read parents who felt otherwise. Pushing kids to do something they’re unhappy in feels wrong. But, I’ve also seen the joy and pride that can come to a person when they push through something difficult. So, when do you encourage that and when do you let go? One of my favorite bits in the comments was this:

“Ask yourself first who you are doing this for — your child, or you. This answer will guide everything else.”

And the answer to that question also feels complicated. I never thought I’d be a parent living vicariously through my kids, but this kind of feels like I’m doing that. I’ve never been as talented at anything as she is with ballet. So, yes, I’m probably feeling this way about her leaving because it’s my own wish that she keep going. I’d personally LOVE to be able to move and dance the way she’s able to. Even watching her dance, I can get a hint of what a beautiful feeling it must be for her to express herself that way. So, even though it feels like a selfish parenting reason at times, I also genuinely see the joy dance brings to her. In this past year of finally taking dance classes, she’s gained new flexibility and strength and moves that she wouldn’t have otherwise had. Continuing to put the time and effort into developing those skills would allow her to experience the thrill of being able to express herself through dance in heightened ways. Right? … Or am I just trying to convince myself or something?

So, we shall see how this unfolds. Perhaps this is the end of her dancing journey. Perhaps she’ll find another type of dance she’d prefer. Perhaps she’ll keep dancing on her own and eventually want to go back to classes. Perhaps she’ll change her mind tomorrow and none of this debating will be necessary. It’s not that we haven’t talked with her about this–the reasons to stay or leave. It does warrant more conversation. But, if she ultimately wants to be done, then all we can do is take a step back and have faith. Because it’s obvious this girl has gumption and passion and talent and strength. Part of being her parent is guiding her and introducing her to things the best way we know how, but part of being a parent is also stepping back and letting her “write her own story.”

UPDATE

Belinda the Ballerina

Posted on May 23, 2019July 17, 2020 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Belinda the Ballerina (2001) by Amy Young .

With a daughter who loves ballet and a bagizillion books on the topic at the library, it’s hard to sort through and find the good ones. Fortunately, we stumbled across the Belinda books pretty early on.

Belinda is a hard-working dancer with a passion for ballet. Her feet, however, are quite sizable, especially for a dancer. She doesn’t mind, but the esteemed judges at an audition try to tell her otherwise. Discouraged, Belinda calls it quits for awhile, but her passion won’t let her stay still for long.

We love all the Belinda books (there are four in the series). She is kind, graceful, and best of all, has a true love of dancing.

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