Whether a baby has left through miscarriage, stillbirth, or complications after birth, they deserve to be remembered, honored, and oh, so loved. Often times people don’t know what to say or what to do to support a family who has lost a baby. Death of a loved one is so very tough, and when it happens to someone’s child, it’s almost too heartbreaking to know what to do. I assure you that the short, heartbreaking time you have calling the family or writing to them is nothing compared to the overwhelming grief they feel ALL. The. Time. On reading about ideas of how to help after infant loss, I came across this #AdventToRemember idea. I loved this family’s way of honoring their child, and I soon saw there were many other families doing the same for their children. Although these ideas could definitely be part of a social media support group or specific holiday remembering, I collected some ideas from various sources simply as a list of ways to honor a child gone too soon. Maybe you’ve been looking for a way to show your love and support of a family who has experienced loss; most parents would love to hear that their baby is being remembered and honored. Maybe it is your own sweet child you are honoring. Perhaps one of these ideas resonates more than others. Do it once. Or do it monthly or annually. If you’re a friend or family member, do one of these as your own way of honoring a child or let the parents know with a short message or photo. If you are the parents, maybe you’d like to share with loved ones what you are doing to honor your baby and invite them to participate.
Baby’s first years are usually filled with recognition of their monthly growth. Maybe choosing one of these ideas each month could be a way of honoring a baby who has passed away. Maybe also honoring a child on a holiday can help show your support. People often think of Christmas or Thanksgiving as the big family gathering times that could use an extra dose of love and support, but other holidays can be painful as well. Many parents have imagined the fun Halloween costumes their baby would wear. Maybe a family has a big New Year’s party or backyard 4th of July gathering every year where they take a family photo. I’m sure every day is unthinkably painful, but I imagine holidays, no matter which ones, and milestone days are especially rough.
I will continue to add to this list as I think of more ideas, but I’m hoping this helps someone, somewhere find inspiration for honoring a baby gone too soon.
–Lighting a Candle
Lighting a candle in honor of Baby is a simple way to honor them. Maybe you’ll choose to light it on Baby’s date of arriving or leaving, maybe when you’re especially missing Baby, or maybe on a holiday. In October there’s a beautiful Wave of Light ceremony to honor babies. We have a designated candle we light to honor loved ones who have passed, but any candle will do. If you’re a friend or relative of a couple who has lost a child, you might want to let them know in a short message that you’ve lit a candle to honor ____ (SAY their baby’s name here, if Baby was named).
–Donating a Book About Child Loss to a Library, School, Church, Home
Donating a book in Baby’s name would be a very special way to honor your loved one. A book about infant loss might be an especially apt choice, since these books are often difficult to find. Having access to a book addressing miscarriage or infant loss could be such a help to a grieving family. Sometimes libraries are looking for display ideas. Perhaps you could suggest a display of the books available about these tough topics.
–Writing Baby’s Name
Although it may feel unsettling at first to say Baby’s name (if they have one), parents love to hear their child’s name, even if it aches. Hearing Baby’s name is a way of knowing that this sweet baby lives on in people’s memories and hearts. Many parents or family members will write babies’ names in the sand. This woman took sunset pictures for families who had lost their little ones. If you don’t live near a beach, try writing Baby’s name in snow, dirt, with stones or leaves. Do it for your own private moment of honoring or take a photo. Photos can be framed or collected. If you’re a friend or family member, take a picture of the baby’s name for the parents and let them know their baby is on your mind and in your heart.
–Participating in/Dedicating a Run
There’s definitely an energy and group spirit to doing a run, even if it’s a virtual one across the miles. Maybe you could organize friends and family, whether local or long-distance, to run on the same day in Baby’s honor. If you’re feeling inspired, consider getting small financial sponsorships that can be donated to causes that are important to the family.
There are also many groups who already have annual runs to support programs. Here are just a few I found while searching:
My Miscarriage Matters
Running with the Angels
Love Never Ends
–Dedicating a Nature Walk
Not all of us are runners, so maybe consider dedicating a Nature walk to Baby. This idea is more appealing to me than a run, because A) I don’t like running, and B) a walk or hike feels more contemplative and quiet to me. Maybe you could choose something you see during your walk – a pinecone, a leaf, a stone – and bring it home and put it somewhere as a visual reminder of the baby you’re honoring.
–Donating to a Group that Supports Families Who Have Experienced Loss
Not every local area has a group to support families experiencing infant loss, but there are groups out there. And some will ship or work long-distance with families. In many cases, a donation can be made in a Baby’s name.
JLB Project
Empty Arms
Molly Bears
Twinkle Star Project
–Writing in a Journal/Writing a Book/Writing a Poem
This can be a very personal and private way of honoring Baby. But many grieving parents have also written books or poetry to share with others. Sometimes friends also write and create books to share in honor of their loved one’s babies.
–Blowing Bubbles
This can be a simple way to honor Baby. Adults might find a release and peace with the act of taking such thoughtful breaths. If young kids are involved, it may turn into silly playfulness, but that’s ok too. Maybe remind the kids ahead of time that you’re going to start though by blowing some bubbles quietly and calmly, just for Baby.
–Doing an Act of Kindness
I love in the AdventToRemember project how many of the families choose to practice acts of kindness in honor of their babies. What a wonderful way to pass on kindness and truly have Baby be a loving addition to our world.
–Bringing Them with You for the Day
Maybe there’s a special way to “bring” Baby with you for the day or week or always, whether it’s a photo or a piece of jewelry. Or maybe as simple as writing their name on a piece of paper you carry with you.
–Creating an Altar
Whether it’s a wall of photos and poems and quotes, a quiet place to sit, or even a small token on the mantle, it can be healing to have visual reminders of Baby to keep them close to your heart every day.
–Planting Something
Not having much of a green thumb, I’m hesitant on this one, but many people plant flowers, trees, and gardens with great success in honor of their baby.
–Knitting a Blanket
Rachel’s Gift (As of this writing, still accepting and appreciating blankets.)
Bridget’s Cradles (faith-based)
–Sewing for Bears
Molly Bears offers weighted bears to families who have experienced loss. They accept donations for sewn inserts, as of this writing. (They were easy to contact and quick to reply, if you’d like to check before sewing and sending.)
–Volunteering for a Local Support Group
Check with a local support group. Maybe they need help putting together care packages, reaching out to families, or organizing an event.
–Adding Baby’s Name to a Remembrance List
There are lists online and there are fundraisers with dedicated stones or bricks for names. Either way, this is something that can be done to honor Baby.
–NICU/Hospital/Midwifery Donation?
(I’m still on my own journey of looking into this. I didn’t realize at the time how rare and special it was that there was a local support group near us when I miscarried. I see now that this isn’t always the case. I’ve been in touch with our local NICU and hospital to see if there’s anything I can do to help or donate to local families who have experienced infant loss.)
There are so many ideas and options out there for honoring babies gone too soon. Navigating something so big and so heartbreaking will have no paved road for anybody, but I think finding ways to hold these precious beings in our hearts in ways that feel right is the best we can do. I am wishing anyone who has experienced infant loss a heartfelt and sincere hug. Words escape me, but I send so much love.