Category: Thoughts/Questions

Dear Diary – Do I Miss You?

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I used to be a journal keeper.  It’s where I turned to process and reflect.  To deal with big questions and emotions.  It was my place to connect with “me,” and it was such a part of my life that I didn’t think much about it.  Until it stopped.

It was never a daily practice.  I definitely experienced many lulls and pauses in my journaling.  But nothing like recent years.  Granted, the timing of my lack of journaling does seem to coincide pretty much exactly with parenthood.  There have been seasons of these mama years when there just feels like no time at all.  And when I’ve crawled out of those times, journaling just hasn’t taken priority.  Since my life seems to be a never-ending game of picking what I’d like to be doing with it, this choice to not turn to journaling is interesting.  Does this mean I’m not prioritizing myself?  Am I not taking the time for a practice that used to help me find my center and feed my soul?  Or have I simply moved on to other ways of connecting?  These questions nag at me, and I let the idea that I haven’t journaled make me feel guilty.

In recent years there have also been some silly overthinking reasons for my journal hesitations – Are all these journals just more clutter and more to haul if we move?  What’s to become of these when I die – will they be a burden to somebody or something I’d rather someone not read?  It’s strange and deflating to think these questions would prevent me from journaling, but they’re there in my head.

Whenever I read or hear about writers and their daily writing practices, I get an ache.  Writing, whether it was school papers or journaling or letter writing or even texting, makes me happy.  I don’t know that I want to *be* a writer (whatever that means), and yet, here I am – writing this post.  So, I am a writer, am I not?  Is a writer someone who writes or someone who is read?  Either way, I came to a realization today that this, here, is my writing space.  It’s not exactly the same as a journaling process, of course, but it is still a place for me to write and reflect.  To ask questions and process some of what I’m feeling.  I love the idea that on a blog there is potential for my words to reach someone else and possibly give them a boost or an idea, but mostly I recognize this space as mine.  This is my 40-something journaling.

So, Diary, do I miss you?  Not really.  And I’m starting to feel okay with that.

 

 

A Bird Sings Because It Has a Song

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“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”

Is it a Chinese proverb?  Or as USPS claims, Maya Angelou?  Don’t know.  Don’t really care.  I love this quote.  It holds that ‘Gotta Sing, Gotta Dance’ at its heart, and I think I need to turn to it more often.

I’ve got a lot to say.  The flood of ideas I have to filter every day gets overwhelming.  And yet, as I type this and other entries, I feel a bit of an empty echo bouncing back to me.  (Granted, I have chosen to turn off comments, but that’s another post.)  I’m a paranoid Internet person, to be honest, but I have realized that being on the Internet is a bit like walking down a sidewalk, an ENORMOUS sidewalk, that includes just about everyone from the entire world.  Some will get noticed, some will get teased.  Some will fall prey to scammers, some will find their small, happy groups.  I am at once eager to write and share, (it’s in my heart and on my mind, and keeping it in starts to weigh on me greatly) while also feeling extremely shy about being ‘seen’ and read.  And some might say this is somehow energetically keeping me hidden.  Maybe.

I was always one to sort of float off to the side of the action.  In high school, I was neither popular nor teased.  I liked being mostly invisible.   At social gatherings, I’d always be the one off in the corner on my own or talking to a random wanderer who ended up near me.  I am the person who prefers small groups that include supportive, awesome people I love.  I’ve never sought fame or a huge number of followers.  But as I continue my blogging and other online journeys, I do have moments when I think, “Hey!  I’ve got something to say too!”  I’ve read some of the popular, star bloggers out there.  Some are great, and some are, well, not.  Eh, that’s life.  I love good stories of people getting lots of rejection letters before they’re finally published or noticed.  These are uplifting stories once the happy ending has happened, and I always thought if I had the guts to write a book, I’d have my own story of how I held out hope even as the rejections poured in.  But, I can see how tough that must be.  Here I am, blogging, mainly for my own need, really.  And still, I secretly want to be read and noticed.  That’s not so crazy, right?

But, somewhere between getting caught up in trying to remain hidden or trying to demand some attention, all I know is, I gotta write.

So, no, I don’t have an answer.  I don’t even know my question.  But, boy, do I have a lot of songs to sing.

Today

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I’ve always got so much floating through my head.  So many ideas and “to-do”s that pile up for the future.  And, yes, here and there, I’m pretty good about embracing the moment and the day and the opportunity.  And then sometimes, well, I’m just not.  It’s too much or too scary or I’m just too tired.

It’s always interesting to try to pinpoint inspiration.  Sometimes it’s a specific moment or movie or book or conversation.  But sometimes it’s just a bunch of little things that all add up until they overflow into action.

And today I’ve reached that lovely moment when it’s all coming together.  There’s so much I want to do and say and share – always.  There are so many reasons to put it all off until I have more time to do it all “better” or until I’ve done things in the order that’s been in my head.  But for some reason, today, the time is just right.  Today’s the day to call that person or write that Thank You letter.  Today’s the day to declutter that corner or drop everything to play outside.  Today’s the day to read a poem at the dinner table or to try a new hairstyle.  Today these things won’t happen perfectly, but the promises of doing these things tomorrow just isn’t enough today.

 

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Why Not?

This Changes Everything

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

This Changes Everything (2019)

During our month with Netflix, I’ve tried to be more focused about watching things from our list.  I came across This Changes Everything and thought I’d just preview it for a few minutes to get a feel for it and then move on to something else for the evening.  Well, an hour and a half later…

I really liked this film and think it is such an important one for people to see.  This documentary discusses the underrepresentation and inequality faced by women in Hollywood.  I think it’s important to note though, that the focus is on women.  The stats, the interviews, the stories are about women in Hollywood.  Looking at the low percentages of women writers or directors or female leads, I can only imagine how much smaller (to non-existent) that number is for people of color, transgender people, non-binary people, and so many more.  And while this discrimination is obviously equally important to explore, This Changes Everything‘s focus is women.  There were many criticisms I read about this in reviews, but I personally think it was important for the documentary to keep a focus.  It would be like saying this film should have explored discrimination faced by women in all fields.  The topic is women in Hollywood.  Ok, moving on.

This Changes Everything was a big wake-up call for me.  Even as it began, I seriously thought, ‘Oh, well, maybe this used to be the case, but certainly not now.’  But as more and more women shared their stories and statistics were given, I was shocked.  I guess I didn’t fully realize things like why a big deal was made of Gerwig’s Little Women being directed, written, and produced by women.  I don’t tend to watch a ton of movies and I can be a bit particular in what I choose to spend my time watching, so I’m not always ‘in the know.’  But, I think these low numbers would probably surprise most everyone.  It’s interesting because I feel like the book world has made huge strides recently in representation.  I can find everything from picture books to YA to adult about so many people’s stories.  But, oddly, in the ‘open-minded’ Hollywood, this isn’t the case.  And, as much as I far prefer and adore books, let’s be realistic – The average person is way more likely to experience story on the screen than in a book.

I can understand and appreciate that big change doesn’t happen overnight.  So, seeing responses like these in this link of Hollywood women speaking up might seem awesome, but looong overdue.  But I get it.  It’s a process.  Still, I was very surprised by the inequality that’s been happening in Hollywood this long.  And when audiences continue to hear or see a story from a white, male perspective then that is what we think is the norm.  I really loved Shannon Hale’s post about Do Boys Only Get to Read Half the Books? but it seems that female authors get more opportunities to storytell than females in Hollywood.  It was interesting to think of that from the TV/movie perspective where the women’s perspective isn’t as readily an option.  I heard several times in the documentary that studios weren’t sure if they were willing to risk telling a woman’s story for fear of losing half their audience.  Seriously?  So, much like Hale talks about, women are just expected to watch a male’s view, but men can’t do the same for women?  (Or seriously, like I said, fill in the blank of any minority group.). Do we think so little of men?

And yet, another huge issue of (certain) men being at the helm of these productions has been the gross sexism and appalling behavior that women have had to deal with.  Isn’t it fortunate for this male-centric bubble that the young female actors they most desperately want for these parts are also the ones trying so hard to navigate this new show-business world and become a success that they are more likely to put up with such bull crap?  I loved one quote from the documentary – “Progress will happen when men stand.  It’s the chivalry of the 21st century.”  Although I don’t know much about FX, I loved seeing the male head of this channel really take it to heart that women and minorities were being so under-represented on the network.  He did something about it.  And, when big change and lots of change needs to happen, we really do need the help and support of people ‘on the inside.’  Much like the groups of men in the early 19th century whose votes would decide the fate of women’s suffrage.  And to create change, we also need women to come together in community.  So many of these male-centric stories have shown women pitted against one another in competition and that has influenced our culture.  Even interviews will try to perpetuate this and keep women separate.  We don’t all need to be BFFs, but women need to support each other and stand up for one another.  Divided, alone, and silent is when we fall.  We are stronger together.

And is this gender imbalance in production the same reason our cartoons have been so lopsided for so many years?  Makes sense, I guess, if men are the ones writing and producing them.  I remember when I was teaching elementary school, I used to do an exercise where I had the students think of a male cartoon character.  Preferably a human-looking one for the sake of the exercise.  What did he look like?  What was he wearing?  What were his hobbies?  What did he spend his time talking about?  And then, I asked them to do the same with a female character.  Now, I know things have changed since I did this.  I know they have.  But, is it as balanced now as I’m assuming?  At the time I was doing this with students, Tinker Bell had a huge comeback.  This jealous, mean fairy from 1950s Peter Pan who wears very little clothing and spends a good amount of time pouting or playing mean tricks on the only other female? Yeah, her.  (Link that is hilarious but rated-R) That is not a role model for young girls or an appropriate view of the female for any audience members.  Characters like Tinker Bell are one of the reasons my children have not seen any of the classic Disney films.  And, actually, it was the imbalance of females in cartoon movies that led Geena Davis (producer of This Changes Everything) to start her Institute on Gender in Media in the first place.

So, yes.  We’ve had too many moments of “This Changes Everything!” in this and so many other aspects of the way our world is.  But like that 100th monkey, I just have to believe that all these steps, whether small comebacks in an interview or large movements like MeToo and TimesUp, these will make a difference.  And even though Hollywood, and specifically women in Hollywood, is one, just one, piece of a much, much bigger problem, every change helps.  And whether we agree with it or not, people do look to movies, TV, and celebrities as guides from a young age and into adulthood.  Seeing women’s stories, hearing women stand up for themselves, watching women finally be recognized for their talents and hard work, and not just the dresses they wear to the awards shows, these things all make a difference in how we all view ourselves and those in our lives.  These people in Hollywood – actors, directors, writers, producers, interviewers, critics – they have great power and responsibility to create change.

1-minute video-Ask Better Questions
Tina Fey Talks About Hiring Women Comedy Writers

 

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Why Not?

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I don’t know when or where my 5-year-old picked this up, but lately, his favorite phrase is, “Why not?”  Of course this statement is usually preceded by something like, “Let’s have a cookie, cuz, why not?” or “Let’s watch TV, cuz, why not?”

As adults, we have the life experience to always think of a thousand answers to the “Why not?” question.  We can’t just jump on every whim or thought that crosses our minds.  They could be dangerous or unhealthy or financially irresponsible.  We don’t want to act on things that may cause eventual harm to ourselves or others or our world.  We have the foresight to see the future consequences of our choices.  So, “Why not?” becomes less of a fun philosophy and more of an actual consideration.

But, sometimes the things holding us back from certain goals or actions or trips are fears with no basis or an overthinking that can be safely quieted.  I know that I can’t embrace my son’s philosophy on quite the same level as him and that part of my job as his parent is to help him find that balance too.  But sometimes, every now and then, maybe it’s a good idea to look at that cookie or that idea or that dream and shrug my shoulders and say, “Why not?”