Children find their mamas in this sweet video.
Category: Parenting
Don’t Force Me to Hug
I saw this on A Mighty Girl. I know some agree and some don’t, but it’s definitely something to think about. Interesting how all the things we want when our kids are little, “Just do as I say,” “Eat what I tell you to eat,” “Sleep in, for goodness sake!” “Stop bothering me,” etc. are all the things we try desperately to change in them when they’re teenagers–“Stand up for yourself!” “Make your own wise choices,” “Get out of bed!” “Spend more time with me…please.” Or, in the case of this one, “Just hug this person, even if you don’t want to…” vs. “Respect your body.”
I, for one, am in very strong agreement with the message here, although I couldn’t claim for certain that I’ve never tried to encourage a hug to a relative. I’ve never liked the idea of forcing kids to be affectionate or share. Heck, most adults I know wouldn’t want to be forced to share their favorite “toys” with others. I certainly wouldn’t want to be forced to “play” or hang out with someone I didn’t like, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be forced to be affectionate to someone. (Don’t even get me started on the crying, screaming, forced Santa’s lap pictures.)
As a parent of a little girl, I’m especially sensitive to a situation like this. She needs to be respecting her comfort zone, not catering to another person’s wishes. Fortunately, we haven’t been faced with much of this, but I’ve heard about this situation again and again from other parents. Almost 100% of the time, it is a grown male (a grandpa, an uncle, a close family friend) who is being pouty and sensitive about a little girl not hugging him or kissing him or even giving him High 5s. (Don’t know why little boys are excused from this…) Some people think that relatives and close friends are exempt from a young kids’ discomfort with a situation like this. I, however, believe my kid needs to know that her comfort is respected above all, especially above some grown man’s hurt feelings about not getting the physical contact he wants. In my opinion, this cannot be taught too soon. Anyway, I don’t see how forcing someone to show an affection they don’t feel is a good thing anyway. Let adults be the adults in the situation. To me, this lesson is not one to back down on. … All easier said than navigated in real life, of course, but I think this one is too important to ignore.
Do Boys Only Get to Read Half the Books?
Just read this post from one of my favorite authors, Shannon Hale. She talks about how many boys tend to feel, or are trained to feel, that they can’t read books with female leads.
“We talk about how girls get to read any book they want, but some people try to tell boys that they can only read half the books. I say that this isn’t fair,” Hale tells her school assemblies.
Ms. Hale’s article discusses the way parents and teachers talk to children about “girl” books and even the way she, as a female author, is presented. Shannon Hale’s books include The Princess Academy trilogy and The Books of Bayern (amongst many others), all with strong female leads. A book festival committee member told her, “Last week we met to choose a keynote speaker for next year. I suggested you, but another member said, ‘What about the boys?’ so we chose a male author instead.” When Ms. Hale went to speak with to a middle school recently, the teachers only invited the girls. Yet, with the last visiting author, a male, everyone was invited. What is this teaching these kids?
This post discusses many of these stereotypes we hold about boys and girls and what kinds of stories or characters they will enjoy. I like that Shannon, herself, admits to having been guilty of these assumptions. I know I’ve done it plenty of times. While I love Ms. Hale’s books, I’ve probably shied away from recommending them to boys or have added the caveat, “I think you’ll enjoy this book, EVEN THOUGH it’s about a girl.” That isn’t fair. To anyone. Some say, “It’s just a book and this is nothing to get so worked up about,” but I’m with Shannon. This kind of approach and thinking can plant the seed for toxic beliefs and assumptions. As Hale says, we’ve gotten to the point where, “A boy feels embarrassed to read a book about a girl. To care about a girl. To empathize with a girl.” This way of thinking need to change.
For a reading of this essay and a conversation about this essay, visit KidLitWomen.
“For many years now, girls have been encouraged to stake a claim to everything that is coded as masculine and to claim their right to the entire pie, not just half. Boys have that same right.”
p. 200 of The Swedish Way to Parent and Play
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Why Parents Don’t “Get Anything Done”
I love this sweet little video by Esther Anderson. Even though I know what it’s like to be home all day with a baby or toddler (or older child..) who “helps” by undoing any sort of “progress” I’m trying to make, I still sometimes question it– Why didn’t I do more today? Why didn’t I fold that laundry or clean out the fridge? And then, I remember… Here’s why.
Rear-Facing Until (at least) Two
Since the AAP issued a statement in 2011 recommending that young children remain rear-facing in the car seats until AT LEAST age two, 11 states have written this as law. While the rest of the country has some catching up to do in the legal process, the laws of physics don’t change. I’ve heard many arguments as to why parents choose to ignore this very important safety feature, but once you’ve done your research and watched some crash test comparisons, there’s really no question.
The Car Seat Lady has a great article about this topic which addresses all the concerns parents might have. Many people who have done their research recommend rear-facing until ages three or four.
There are so many components to using a car seat safely and properly. Parents spend hours researching topics like day cares, foods, and products for their children (which are all important too), but it is so crucial that our children are buckled properly. **Remember, car seats’ harnesses don’t “lock” the way adult seat belts do, so the harness must be properly tightened every time.** Many fire stations will help install a car seat or check its installation; just remember, that not everyone doing this has the same level of training.
Some great car seat safety sites are CarSeatsfortheLittles and TheCarSeatLady, among others.
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