The Actor’s Life: A Survival Guide

Posted on January 19, 2023January 26, 2023 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

The Actor’s Life: A Survival Guide (2017)
by Jenna Fischer

I am not an aspiring actor. But I picked up this book because I love listening to the Office Ladies, and the more I hear from Jenna Fischer, the more I realize we share a lot of similarities. I don’t usually listen to audio books. Like, almost never. But, our library only had this as an audio, and so I gave it a try.

I loved it! It’s read by Jenna, which I think is a very important piece of a good non-fiction audiobook. And even though she does offer really great tips and advice for actors, I found so many important life lessons in here for myself. It was enjoyable and enlightening, and I honestly view actors differently than I used to. But most importantly, it is helping me with many of my creative hang-ups and blocks. I highly recommend this book, especially to actors and creatives.

Jenna Fischer deftly weaves her own story in with some really great practical advice for actors. It never focuses too much on her life, but it also gives the reader plenty of looks into what she was doing before, during, and after The Office. (And I love hearing these stories!) Her words of wisdom for actors never come across as preachy or belittling; in fact, she openly admits she wishes she had followed much of this advice in her own journey. She is honest about the fact that there isn’t really a set path in an actor’s life, but that many of her tips can at least help pave the road for being ready for opportunities. I love that she includes interviews/stories in the back of the book from four different actor friends as well, to drive home that everyone’s journey is unique.

So, I’m not completely naive about the entertainment world. I was never in it, the way some are, but I grew up near L.A. My dad worked in the entertainment business, and I’ve been on a set here and there. On the outskirts, I’ve been to events, and I even worked for a writing agent in Hollywood one summer. I lived in the L.A. area for a year as a young adult and met people in the business and many trying to work their way in. Still. After listening to The Actor’s Life, I realize how many general assumptions I have been making about actors. When I don’t see an actor in any films or TV for awhile after they’ve been in something “big,” I have always, always assumed this was by choice. I admit, I even say a “Good for Them!” thinking they’ve chosen to embrace some quiet life instead. As if this choice –my choice- is preferable for them. Jenna discusses just how brutal this business can be. Actors can land a big break and then not get cast for years, despite a desire to keep on as a working actor.

And as for the pay? Yeah, I’ve been cynical about that too. First of all, California, and L.A., specifically, are expensive places to live! So, salaries are generally higher for many professions. Then, Jenna explains the 10% off the top that goes to an agent, 10% to a manager, and, of course, taxes. This is not to mention the years of classes and headshots and driving to and from auditions and sets. The 23 minutes of a show we see as the audience does not include the many hours of prep and rehearsals and reshoots and so on. (To be fair, Jenna Fischer really didn’t linger on the financial aspect all that much (other than to remind actors not to get into the biz for the money), but it was something that really struck me while listening.).
When I was a school teacher, I remember how jaded one of my co-workers was about the fact that the guest art teacher made about as much in an hour as we made in a day. I knew even then, that there was more to it than that. The art teacher didn’t have the steady work we had. She had a unique training and skill set we didn’t have. She had supplies and prep and clean-up we didn’t have. Not to say there weren’t elements of this in our teaching jobs, and not that we were receiving the pay we deserved (ha!), but I got it. It’s like the plumber who quickly fixes one thing and charges what seems like a lot. We’re paying for his or her knowledge about what to fix and how to fix it, not for the actual time it takes. … I digress… I, sadly, never gave actors this consideration before. I was pretty cynical about the pay, and I’m grateful to this book for changing my mind, even though that wasn’t really one of the main points. And while Jenna does offer “survival” tips for poor, aspiring actors, obviously the same tips can apply to sooooo many jobs and situations out there. I remember while working as a teacher scouring the floor of my car in grocery store parking lots, looking for loose change so that I could buy some basic food items.

But, as I said, most of what I took away from this book was not about acting or money, but about my own journey. I love writing. I love blogging and making my little videos about reducing and reusing. And even though it’s in my heart, and I love doing it, there is a bit of a bummer element to it knowing that I am basically invisible on the Internet. I don’t like the spotlight, and I don’t need it. But, I work hard and put my whole self into what I’m doing, so it can be discouraging. But Jenna talks about the years that some actors spend just seemingly waiting. She relates to the frustration, while also encouraging action. Her inspiring words about creating your own work, collaborating on projects that mean something to you, and knowing that it will pay off, was definitely a helpful and hopeful message. I’d like to think if I was an aspiring, non-working actor that I’d be making my own videos and projects and living my passion. So, wouldn’t I do that now? What I am doing? I know exactly what’s in my heart. This is an amazing time in history when people can create and share with the world at the click of a button. So, yes! I love writing and blogging and talking about helping our environment. So, what is all my internal whining about? I’m doing what I love. As the successful playwright in The Incredible Jessica James tells Jessica, “There’s really not much more to it than this.” To get to do what I love from the comfort of my home without anybody’s permission? Wow! I’m going to embrace this.

Derek Waters (of Drunk History fame) wraps up his interview at the end of the book by saying this:

I was in tears. The combination of hearing Jenna’s book and hearing those words was just what I needed. Read this book. It’s awesome.

Thank You, Dana!

Posted on January 19, 2023February 1, 2023 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I didn’t set out in this new year for a cleaner home. In fact, I had recently written a post about why I should just give in and embrace our cluttered home. But, as a library and learning addict, I found an online event scheduled just two weeks into the new year for a live chat session with an author. These are hard for me to pass up. And she wasn’t just any author, she was a de-cluttering expert. In the name of being prepared for this ultra-cool opportunity of an author talk (I’m just realizing some may think I’m saying this tongue-in-cheek, but I am, I assure you, 100% genuine), I checked out her book on audio to listen to while I did other things. Not that it would make a difference, I knew, but why not give yet another cleaning book a read?

OH. MY. GOODNESS. Not two minutes into How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind, I knew I had found my person. Dana was speaking my clutter language. I cannot tell you how many times I laughed out loud listening to her, not just because of her casual, entertaining approach, but because she was describing ME! Finally! As Dana says in the beginning, “Here’s the dirty little secret about most organizing advice: It’s written by organized people.” Yes! Exactly! I’ve tried different books and different approaches. The reason I wrote my Embracing Clutter post was because I felt like I just needed to surrender and accept my messy ways. Nothing, and I mean nothing, seemed to work for me. A tidy house just did not seem to be in the cards for me this go around. I have tried. I know we’d all feel calmer and better in a less-messy house, but I just couldn’t seem to do it. So, it seemed embracing the mess was my only option.

I started Dana’s audiobook exactly two weeks ago. I finished listening to it in just a couple of days. We had people over last week, like it was nothing. Our living room, our front hall, our bedroom, even our out-of-control kitchen table? They are all consistently clutter-free. I kid you not. It is nothing short of AMAZING! I fully realize we might be in the ‘honeymoon stage’ here, but it has NEVER been like this. This is not to say there isn’t more work to do. This is absolutely, 100% a journey, and an ongoing one at that. But to have someone so similar to me describe her approach and process has been a complete game-changer for me. I have so much gratitude.

So, just off the top of my head, here are some of the things Dana said that sound like me and that helped me have some Aha! moments:

–Dana sees potential in everything. Yes!! That’s me. I like how she phrased this, because it is a positive trait to see potential. As a passionate environmentalist and a lover of projects, stuff just comes with the territory. In our house, things like empty jars, tin cans, broken objects…all of these are potential projects for me. I save them with all the best of intentions. Yes, the majority of people in this current world would see these as trash. I get it. I sometimes like to think I am living in another time, a time when people had to find creative ways to reuse what they had since they couldn’t just run out to the market on any given day. I wanted to Save the World and make up for other people’s wastefulness by making the most of every single item that entered our home. This is, and continues to be, one of THE hardest parts of de-cluttering for me. I can send items to a thrift store like it’s nothing, but ask me to throw away old toothpaste caps? With that, I will struggle. But seeing potential in everything and having clutter everywhere means I get to do exactly zero of these projects. Seeing potential in every little thing is a good trait. It’s sweet, and I see the merit in trying to reuse and be creative. And it’s not something I plan to fully give up. But the clutter that it brings is overwhelming. I know that I am creative. I know that I do a lot to help make environmentally-good choices and share some of my ideas with others. But I cannot keep every little thing. Letting these go – seeing potential and then passing it along – that’s tough. But it is making a huge difference for me and the state of our house.

–Dana talks about having a low clutter-threshold. Had I not heard her explanation, this terminology would have confused me. I would have guessed I had a high clutter threshold, since, like Dana, clutter quickly becomes invisible to me and I easily find ways to work around it. But what she means is that she needs to live in a home with a minimal amount of clutter, otherwise it will be out of control. There are some people who can collect items for future gifts or keep more sentimental items, and they make it work. They manage that amount of stuff and still live in a, well, livable home. That is not me. I, like Dana, have a low clutter-threshold. I actually quite like cleaning and managing stuff, but when there’s too much of it, I just can’t. And that is the #1 thing that’s made this journey so hard for me. In the last two weeks, I cannot tell you how much stuff has left our home. Dana recommends just getting it out the easiest way possible for donation. I did take several boxes of books to a used bookstore (a wonderful one that donates the rest without me having to do anything!) and I did sell some stuff to a used kids’ stuff shop (they do not keep the rest for donations, but I promised myself I’d take anything they rejected straight to the thrift shop). But I took boxes and boxes and bags and bags of stuff out of our home. And there are still more waiting. I want to get all of it out as soon as possible, because that little sneaky part of me I mentioned above that sees potential in everything likes to creep back in and whisper ideas to me.

–Dana talks about the “container concept.” Our shelves, our drawers, even our houses themselves – these are containers, and we have to be able to fit the objects we want into these spaces without buying more and more shelves and containers. I get it. And I went a little dramatic, maybe, and got rid of two large shelves that just haven’t worked for me in awhile. They have become stuff and junk collectors. And as I got stuff out of our home, I realized I didn’t need all the shelves I had at one time collected and wished I had had more of.

–In the book, Dana also talks about a wonderful method of going through stuff. It is definitely a “slow and steady” method, but it is fabulous. Many of the organizing books out there suggest an ‘all-in’ (or should I say ‘all-out’?) approach of dumping out an entire drawer or piling up all like items to sort through them. That might work for some people. I’ve done this. And, unfortunately, just days before starting Dana’s book I did one of these, so I’m still dealing with the aftermath. Yes, I love the grand gesture of this method, and, yes, it is helpful to see all the items at once. But, for people like me, the excitement of starting in this dramatic way quickly fades. Life happens. Dinner happens. Fatigue sets in from staring at the overwhelming mound. And then it sits there. And it is VERY discouraging. Dana recommends a very different approach. A one-item-at-a-time deal. This sounds like it will be mind-numbingly slow. But, it truly works. It’s an incredible feeling to deal with each object as you see it, and then…BE. DONE. with it. Whether you’ve got five minutes or five hours, what’s done at the end, is done. Wahoo! Bonus for me, is that by putting away each object as I go through it, I get a lot of movement and extra steps in my day.

–I’m embarrassed to admit to this one, but Dana does, so I will too. She talks about having a bit of a hero complex. I’m not even in that many social situations, but- Does part of me think it would be super awesome that if somebody suddenly needed a collection of jar lids for a project that I could step in and hand over loads of them? Yes. Yes, I do. But the truth is, people figure things out. The other truth is that when things like this have come up, even in very small ways, I often can’t find the item I would have felt so smug about having. So, really, this is not a valid reason to keep things. I know. It’s obvious. But it sure helped to have Dana lay it out for me.

–Dana talks about clearing visible spaces first. Oh, my goodness. I feel like I should have figured this one out on my own, but it really didn’t occur to me until I heard her say this. Like many people, I was digging into closets and cluttered spaces to start my clean-out. Firstly, those are the big, scary projects. They’re overwhelming. I avoid them, or I start them without finishing. Why not start with the spaces we see everyday? The spaces where we live. Not only is this so much lovelier to enjoy, but it also builds on the inspiration to keep going. This concept was huge for me, and I love waking up and walking into our uncluttered living space.

–I forget the term Dana uses for this, but it’s a time-estimation problem. I actually bought a timer last year because I realized I had this too. There are tasks that I am sure are going to take forever, and then I set the timer and realize they’re actually quite quick. Then there are chores I’m sure I can squeeze into a much shorter amount of time, only to realize I have far underestimated. Knowing the amount of time it takes to unload the dishwasher or fold the clothes or wipe down the sink are actually very helpful for me. I realize I DO have the time to do these tasks. They are fast and easy, and I love knowing that keeping our house clean won’t take up my entire day. It’s manageable.

–And here was one of the biggest things for me. Dana talks about how having a clean home helps give her time for projects she wants to do. Ok, I will admit that I have had some very backwards thinking on this for quite a long time. For one, I will sheepishly admit that when I would see clean homes I had a sour grapes mentality. I theorized that the people who lived there just didn’t have as many fun, exciting projects that were consuming their lives. Cleaning was their thing, and that was fine, but I wanted to spend my time in other ways. Folding and putting aways clothes, picking up at the end of the day, regularly cleaning out…these all seemed like a waste of my valuable creative time when I had ‘better’ things to do. But the overall truth was that living in chaos was eating up more time and energy than I cared to admit. Not being able to find a clean pair of socks or a paper I needed. Frantically picking up so somebody could come over or feeling the stress of a cluttered living room. All of these things were actually taking away from the time I wanted to spend doing my ‘fun’ projects. They were robbing my energy and making things more stressful than they needed to be. By working on getting our life to a base level of clean and then spending the time to maintain this is opening up so much time for me already.

If you haven’t caught on, Dana has become a household name here. My family is all very familiar with her, as I interject many conversations these days with, “Do you know what Dana says?” I was amazed by how quickly our home looked different by removing clutter and by starting with the visible spaces. I may have rattled on about embracing clutter in my previous post, but it sure feels great having a cleared, livable space.

And I absolutely love carrying these concepts into other areas of my life. Using the one-thing-until-it’s-done method with my work instead of hopping around? Wonderful! Realizing my brain space cannot hold onto so many worries? YAAASSS! Doing the not-so-fun stuff of life so that I have time for the things I want? Sounds like a good deal. The lessons from this book are making a wonderful impact on all areas of my life.

So, Thank You, Dana! I don’t think I fully realized how much I needed all of this. Thank you for sharing your stories with those of us who, like you, have looked on, baffled, at others’ clean living spaces for years. Thank you for helping me realize that we, creative-types, can not only keep a tidy home (while keeping our creativity), but can also benefit from it. This has been a true gift, and I look forward to the continued positive changes in my living space.

Magazine Gift Wrap

Posted on November 23, 2022February 9, 2023 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I’m a big fan of finding alternative ways to wrap gifts. Wrapping paper must go through a lot of manufacturing and transportation to get to us, only to be thrown away in a matter of seconds. And even for those who want to recycle their mounds of wrapping paper, the sad news is that many papers contain gold bits or glitter that make them impossible to recycle.

I love using fabric wrap, but if you don’t prefer that option, wrapping gifts can be super simple by reimagining your old magazines!

MAGAZINES!

Step 1: Reduce
(I say magazines here, but I think of these interchangeably with catalogs, at least for the purpose of gift wrap.)

To reduce magazines, consider whether you’re reading them regularly. Can you share with a friend or family member? Can you read the magazine at a library? Can you read it online instead?

To reduce catalogs, consider whether you need a catalog to view the shop items. Could you look online instead? Getting on catalog mailing lists seems mysterious sometimes, but canceling a catalog is easy. There’s (usually) a phone number on the back and the process takes less than two minutes. Consider canceling your own unwanted catalogs and maybe those that arrive at your place of work as well. The less printing, pages, and transportation, the better.

Step 2: Reuse!
Can you donate your magazine to a friend, family member, or local library? Sometimes even thrift shops will take magazines, especially if there’s a set.

Step 3: Reimagine!
There are SO many wonderful projects that use old paper pages; I can’t wait to share more! But, this post is about gift wrap. And using magazine/catalog pages as gift wrap is so simple. It’s eco-friendly, affordable, and, best of all, looks super cute and creative. If your gift is bigger than a page, no problem. Just tape several pages together. I love picking out special images for future wrapping and having them on hand.

This gift wrap idea works great with so many other types of paper – catalogs, old coloring pages, newspapers, phone book pages, old maps, pages from damaged books, and more!

Step 4: Recycle
Just like you would with any of these pages, recycle when done.

Honoring a Baby Gone Too Soon

Posted on November 11, 2022October 1, 2024 by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Whether a baby has left through miscarriage, stillbirth, or complications after birth, they deserve to be remembered, honored, and oh, so loved. Often times people don’t know what to say or what to do to support a family who has lost a baby. Death of a loved one is so very tough, and when it happens to someone’s child, it’s almost too heartbreaking to know what to do. I assure you that the short, heartbreaking time you have calling the family or writing to them is nothing compared to the overwhelming grief they feel ALL. The. Time. On reading about ideas of how to help after infant loss, I came across this #AdventToRemember idea. I loved this family’s way of honoring their child, and I soon saw there were many other families doing the same for their children. Although these ideas could definitely be part of a social media support group or specific holiday remembering, I collected some ideas from various sources simply as a list of ways to honor a child gone too soon. Maybe you’ve been looking for a way to show your love and support of a family who has experienced loss; most parents would love to hear that their baby is being remembered and honored. Maybe it is your own sweet child you are honoring. Perhaps one of these ideas resonates more than others. Do it once. Or do it monthly or annually. If you’re a friend or family member, do one of these as your own way of honoring a child or let the parents know with a short message or photo. If you are the parents, maybe you’d like to share with loved ones what you are doing to honor your baby and invite them to participate.

Baby’s first years are usually filled with recognition of their monthly growth. Maybe choosing one of these ideas each month could be a way of honoring a baby who has passed away. Maybe also honoring a child on a holiday can help show your support. People often think of Christmas or Thanksgiving as the big family gathering times that could use an extra dose of love and support, but other holidays can be painful as well. Many parents have imagined the fun Halloween costumes their baby would wear. Maybe a family has a big New Year’s party or backyard 4th of July gathering every year where they take a family photo. I’m sure every day is unthinkably painful, but I imagine holidays, no matter which ones, and milestone days are especially rough.

I will continue to add to this list as I think of more ideas, but I’m hoping this helps someone, somewhere find inspiration for honoring a baby gone too soon.

–Lighting a Candle

Lighting a candle in honor of Baby is a simple way to honor them. Maybe you’ll choose to light it on Baby’s date of arriving or leaving, maybe when you’re especially missing Baby, or maybe on a holiday. In October there’s a beautiful Wave of Light ceremony to honor babies. We have a designated candle we light to honor loved ones who have passed, but any candle will do. If you’re a friend or relative of a couple who has lost a child, you might want to let them know in a short message that you’ve lit a candle to honor ____ (SAY their baby’s name here, if Baby was named).

–Donating a Book About Child Loss to a Library, School, Church, Home

Donating a book in Baby’s name would be a very special way to honor your loved one. A book about infant loss might be an especially apt choice, since these books are often difficult to find. Having access to a book addressing miscarriage or infant loss could be such a help to a grieving family. Sometimes libraries are looking for display ideas. Perhaps you could suggest a display of the books available about these tough topics.

–Writing Baby’s Name

Although it may feel unsettling at first to say Baby’s name (if they have one), parents love to hear their child’s name, even if it aches. Hearing Baby’s name is a way of knowing that this sweet baby lives on in people’s memories and hearts. Many parents or family members will write babies’ names in the sand. This woman took sunset pictures for families who had lost their little ones. If you don’t live near a beach, try writing Baby’s name in snow, dirt, with stones or leaves. Do it for your own private moment of honoring or take a photo. Photos can be framed or collected. If you’re a friend or family member, take a picture of the baby’s name for the parents and let them know their baby is on your mind and in your heart.

–Participating in/Dedicating a Run

There’s definitely an energy and group spirit to doing a run, even if it’s a virtual one across the miles. Maybe you could organize friends and family, whether local or long-distance, to run on the same day in Baby’s honor. If you’re feeling inspired, consider getting small financial sponsorships that can be donated to causes that are important to the family.

There are also many groups who already have annual runs to support programs. Here are just a few I found while searching:
My Miscarriage Matters
Running with the Angels
Love Never Ends

–Dedicating a Nature Walk

Not all of us are runners, so maybe consider dedicating a Nature walk to Baby. This idea is more appealing to me than a run, because A) I don’t like running, and B) a walk or hike feels more contemplative and quiet to me. Maybe you could choose something you see during your walk – a pinecone, a leaf, a stone – and bring it home and put it somewhere as a visual reminder of the baby you’re honoring.

–Donating to a Group that Supports Families Who Have Experienced Loss

Not every local area has a group to support families experiencing infant loss, but there are groups out there. And some will ship or work long-distance with families. In many cases, a donation can be made in a Baby’s name.
JLB Project
Empty Arms
Molly Bears
Twinkle Star Project

–Writing in a Journal/Writing a Book/Writing a Poem

This can be a very personal and private way of honoring Baby. But many grieving parents have also written books or poetry to share with others. Sometimes friends also write and create books to share in honor of their loved one’s babies.

–Blowing Bubbles

This can be a simple way to honor Baby. Adults might find a release and peace with the act of taking such thoughtful breaths. If young kids are involved, it may turn into silly playfulness, but that’s ok too. Maybe remind the kids ahead of time that you’re going to start though by blowing some bubbles quietly and calmly, just for Baby.

–Doing an Act of Kindness

I love in the AdventToRemember project how many of the families choose to practice acts of kindness in honor of their babies. What a wonderful way to pass on kindness and truly have Baby be a loving addition to our world.

–Bringing Them with You for the Day

Maybe there’s a special way to “bring” Baby with you for the day or week or always, whether it’s a photo or a piece of jewelry. Or maybe as simple as writing their name on a piece of paper you carry with you.

–Creating an Altar

Whether it’s a wall of photos and poems and quotes, a quiet place to sit, or even a small token on the mantle, it can be healing to have visual reminders of Baby to keep them close to your heart every day.

–Planting Something

Not having much of a green thumb, I’m hesitant on this one, but many people plant flowers, trees, and gardens with great success in honor of their baby.

–Knitting a Blanket
Rachel’s Gift (As of this writing, still accepting and appreciating blankets.)
Bridget’s Cradles (faith-based)

–Sewing for Bears

Molly Bears offers weighted bears to families who have experienced loss. They accept donations for sewn inserts, as of this writing. (They were easy to contact and quick to reply, if you’d like to check before sewing and sending.)

–Volunteering for a Local Support Group

Check with a local support group. Maybe they need help putting together care packages, reaching out to families, or organizing an event.

–Adding Baby’s Name to a Remembrance List

There are lists online and there are fundraisers with dedicated stones or bricks for names. Either way, this is something that can be done to honor Baby.

–NICU/Hospital/Midwifery Donation?

(I’m still on my own journey of looking into this. I didn’t realize at the time how rare and special it was that there was a local support group near us when I miscarried. I see now that this isn’t always the case. I’ve been in touch with our local NICU and hospital to see if there’s anything I can do to help or donate to local families who have experienced infant loss.)

There are so many ideas and options out there for honoring babies gone too soon. Navigating something so big and so heartbreaking will have no paved road for anybody, but I think finding ways to hold these precious beings in our hearts in ways that feel right is the best we can do. I am wishing anyone who has experienced infant loss a heartfelt and sincere hug. Words escape me, but I send so much love.