*I should add the very important addition–FOR ME
(I really, really try not to write any of the “This is how it is” posts on here, as I know that everyone’s opinion and life is so different. But, then again, this is my space, so there is an implied “for me” in all of this, right?)
Anyway, I wonder about this a lot–What makes or breaks a book for me? And, I wish I had a once and for all answer, but I don’t. I am very particular about which books we choose to read, and even amongst those, there are some picture books that hit all the marks and make the bestseller lists, but just don’t quite have the magic for me. And then, there are some which seem entirely too simple, which I just love and could read over and over to the kids. It really is an art.
I can definitely speak more to what breaks a children’s book for me. There are the super obvious things like being offensive or closed-minded and so on, but there are some things which I’m surprised make it into so many children’s books. Maybe I’m overthinking things, but, I really do feel that the words we read our children matter.
The word “hate”
There’s enough hate in the world to work on without slipping this word in for mundane things. There is one book we have (which I’m thinking of at the moment) that uses this word (The Grinch Who Stole Christmas). I simply read out loud as “dislike” instead.
The words “dumb” or “stupid”
Ditto to above
The “I hate broccoli or vegetables” thing
Seriously? We, as parents need to unite on feeding our children healthy foods. My kids really do delight in vegetables, and I’ve been a parent long enough to know that most of this is just pure luck, BUT… they also never heard otherwise. None of the books I read to them promote the veggie dislike and they aren’t hanging around kids who are repeating this. I understand that authors are trying to relate to kids perhaps, but can’t we make a shift there? I actually really love when books slip in a love-of-vegetable sentence without being preachy about it.
The “I dislike school” thing
Again, I understand that this is a reality for some kids. But many do actually enjoy school and learning. So, why are books adding this cheap way of trying to relate to kids while promoting the idea that school is something to dread?
The sibling dislike
This is such a standard in books, and I’m so frustrated by it. Yes, of course, I know siblings argue and aren’t always each other’s favorites. But, when the siblings are consistently referred to as “annoying” or “bossy” or other such things without redeeming moments, it really bothers me. A lot. I found myself pleasantly surprised watching “Onward” and seeing the brothers getting along for the most part and treating each other well. Why should this be such a rare thing to see in a story?
The word “fat”
When this word gets used or overused in book descriptions, it really bothers me. It’s not a word I want on my children’s tongues either as a descriptive word for others or for themselves. I remember being shocked one day when our daughter was little, and having not seen TV or been in any daycare-type settings, she used the word “fat.” And then I realized it IS used in one of our favorite picture books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. And, I feel ok with its use in this book. So, yes, I know there are always exceptions, but for the most part, it is not an adjective I like to see in children’s books.
Put-Downs
Putting down others in books seems to be dwindling. Even the “mean” characters often get a backstory in many of our books and others don’t return the meanness. Obviously putting down others would be on my dislike list. But, something I do still see on occasion is the self put-downs. I know it’s going to crop up here and there for a character to have doubts and go through a self-discovery, but I’ve had to put several books back into the library bag before sharing with the kids because the self talk was so negative.
The “I’m too old for this”
As homeschoolers, my kids have, what I consider, an advantage in that they can keep their childhoods a little longer. Nobody on the playground or on mainstream TV is dictating what they “should” or “shouldn’t” be playing with at certain ages. My daughter LOVES all her dolls, and she will probably continue to have them as part of her everyday play past when most kids her age would. So, it hurts my heart when books sneak in passages about their characters being “too old” for something. Everyone is on their own timeline, and if this modern age has taught us anything, it’s that holding onto what we love dearest can still work to our “benefit” with all these independent sources of making money through YouTube channels and social media platforms. I know at some point, you just have to hope/know your kid has enough gumption to keep what they hold dear, but the influence of other kids, TV, and, apparently, some books really tries to get people to conform to some made-up idea of what’s “normal” and “acceptable.”
The sellouts
The other kind of books I cringe at, and we rarely see in our home are the sellouts. The ones just written because they know it’ll sell. These are usually cartoon characters or toys. Like anything, there are exceptions to this too, when the kids love a character and I’d much rather we read a book. But I do try to be very, very particular when going into this territory. Sometimes it really is just a picture book that tries hitting all the marks but has no soul to it, even if there is one trying to be faked.
I appreciate the work and time all authors and illustrators and publishers put into books, and so I really don’t mean any of my dislikes as a put-down. But, I do think it’s time to shift away from some of these dated, cheap ways of trying to relate to kids. Give kids and families a little more credit. I think there can be a balance between writing relatable characters, while also recognizing the influence the words and actions of these stories can have over children. And, I realize that makes it sound like I want some preachy, do-gooder books, which is not what I’m trying to say. I just think there’s a way to be real and entertaining and to influence positive change.