For ADULT eyes only!

As I mentioned in this post, I had very big hesitations about inviting Santa or other magical visitors into our home at first.  But once the decision was made, I delighted in watching our daughter enjoy the magic.  Her daily imagination and story playing amazes me, and so these visits just add to the fun.  She has always wanted to play that we were Santa or the Easter Bunny or any number of visitors who frequent our home.  And even as young as five, she inadvertently gave me clues that made me realize that she already knew the secret.  Darn.  I’ve been so careful.  And with no school or television that would have let her know, I was a little bummed, but impressed, she had figured it out so early.  But she continued playing along, with questions here and there.  And then came Halloween this year…

In the days leading up to Halloween, she began asking questions like, “Does Santa steal from stores?” because she’s been very curious about the company logos on some of the gifts.  And while I began her journey by making all Santa gifts homemade, I didn’t quite keep up.  Then the day before Halloween, the questions became more direct.  “How do Santa and Switch Witch know if they’re invited to visit someone’s home?”  I answered that Dada and I invited them when she was born.  “But where did you get their address?”  And so on.  I tried my best to answer vaguely, not getting too tangled in an intricate lie, while also allowing the story to go on if that seemed right.  But when she muttered phrases like, “I just don’t know if they’re really…” and then stopped herself, I knew it was time.

I cried thinking about how quickly the journey had gone.  Then, I second guessed it all and decided that Halloween and the upcoming visit from Switch Witch that night was definitely NOT the day for this conversation.  But that morning, she asked, “Are you sure you and Dada don’t just eat the candy and then leave a gift?  Tell me the truth.”  Those four words sealed it.  It was time.

I didn’t answer immediately, especially with Little Brother present and wanting to discuss it all with my husband and sob a bit.  But I typed up a general idea of what I wanted to say in a conversation.  And later in the day when Little Brother miraculously took a nap, we jumped at the opportunity.  It felt scary and awkward going into it.  A huge step in her growing up and, well, basically admitting we’d been deceiving her and her brother since birth.  But, I did my best to explain it clearly and gently.  She listened.  And then with each new question she asked about another magical visitor, I held my breath as I answered slowly and honestly.  And when it all sank in…

She was giddy with excitement!  Yes, the secret of Santa left our first-born completely thrilled!  Of course, it helped that she was invited to help us with the story for her brother.  She delighted in seeing where I keep future gifts, and when I explained the fonts and notes and back stories to her, she must have thanked me a dozen times for doing everything I’ve been doing.  Yes, it was pretty much best-case scenario.  Sometimes our headstrong, stubborn, loving, vocal kids are a lot to handle, but moments like this…well, they help a lot.

This was a letter I read awhile ago for future assistance with all this.  And below is the vague outline of what I, personally, said, although it was a conversation, rather than a letter.  (I definitely didn’t feel great about just improvising this conversation, without some idea of what to say):

(Quick background–Our daughter wrote to Santa last year asking if she could come to the North Pole this year and train as an elf.  There were lots of detailed questions she asked him in a letter about what to bring and if they had some healthier alternatives to just cookies and so on.  But it was arranged that she would leave with St. Nicholas on the 6th, travel to the North Pole, train as an elf for a couple weeks, and then return with Santa on the 25th.  My thinking, even a year ago, in letting this play out, was that by Christmas this year, she would probably be ready to be an “elf” of sorts with us.  As I said, there have been hints and big questions for awhile.)

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You have grown up so much, especially this year.  You’ve always been so much older than you are, understanding feelings and stories and concepts that most kiddos your age just aren’t quite ready for.  And this year, you’ve stepped up so much in your responsibility and your help with (Brother).  We’ve loved watching you grow.  As parents, it makes us so happy but also a little bit sad.  Does that make sense?

Well, these past several days you’ve been asking a lot of big questions about Santa and Switch Witch.  Daddy and I have been doing our best to answer, while talking with each other about if you’re ready to become a holiday helper.  You really wanted to be an elf this year, and I know there has been some concern about going with Covid and missing us.  Well, the truth is, when Mamas and Dadas choose to invite Santa into their homes, they themselves get to become elves, sort of. Santa and Switch Witch and the Easter Bunny are always alive in our hearts. They help us feel magic and help us believe in things we can’t see. But their work is done by us, by parents. We get to choose gifts and wrap them and present them as part of the magic of the holiday.

You will still get to have presents from all our special holiday visitors, and you can choose how you want to play part of the magic story – being completely surprised or also being a helper with us. Because the really cool part for you as an older sibling, is that now that you know this, you get to be an elf with us for (Brother), if you would like.

This is something we want to share with you because we know we can trust you to hold this information in your heart and still let (Brother) have these magic stories for as long as he holds them. And kiddos get to learn about Santa at all different ages. So, your friends or cousins might not know the secret about their parents getting to be helpers. So, we can’t say anything, ok?

But, if you have any questions, we’re always here. We just have to talk about it in secret. And you will still get to play in these magic stories; you will still have baskets and gifts from all our holiday visitors. It’s just now, you get also get a chance to play a new role in these stories too.

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