I saw this on A Mighty Girl. I know some agree and some don’t, but it’s definitely something to think about. Interesting how all the things we want when our kids are little, “Just do as I say,” “Eat what I tell you to eat,” “Sleep in, for goodness sake!” “Stop bothering me,” etc. are all the things we try desperately to change in them when they’re teenagers–“Stand up for yourself!” “Make your own wise choices,” “Get out of bed!” “Spend more time with me…please.” Or, in the case of this one, “Just hug this person, even if you don’t want to…” vs. “Respect your body.”
I, for one, am in very strong agreement with the message here, although I couldn’t claim for certain that I’ve never tried to encourage a hug to a relative. I’ve never liked the idea of forcing kids to be affectionate or share. Heck, most adults I know wouldn’t want to be forced to share their favorite “toys” with others. I certainly wouldn’t want to be forced to “play” or hang out with someone I didn’t like, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be forced to be affectionate to someone. (Don’t even get me started on the crying, screaming, forced Santa’s lap pictures.)
As a parent of a little girl, I’m especially sensitive to a situation like this. She needs to be respecting her comfort zone, not catering to another person’s wishes. Fortunately, we haven’t been faced with much of this, but I’ve heard about this situation again and again from other parents. Almost 100% of the time, it is a grown male (a grandpa, an uncle, a close family friend) who is being pouty and sensitive about a little girl not hugging him or kissing him or even giving him High 5s. (Don’t know why little boys are excused from this…) Some people think that relatives and close friends are exempt from a young kids’ discomfort with a situation like this. I, however, believe my kid needs to know that her comfort is respected above all, especially above some grown man’s hurt feelings about not getting the physical contact he wants. In my opinion, this cannot be taught too soon. Anyway, I don’t see how forcing someone to show an affection they don’t feel is a good thing anyway. Let adults be the adults in the situation. To me, this lesson is not one to back down on. … All easier said than navigated in real life, of course, but I think this one is too important to ignore.