Author: keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

A New Holiday Helper

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

For ADULT eyes only!

As I mentioned in this post, I had very big hesitations about inviting Santa or other magical visitors into our home at first.  But once the decision was made, I delighted in watching our daughter enjoy the magic.  Her daily imagination and story playing amazes me, and so these visits just add to the fun.  She has always wanted to play that we were Santa or the Easter Bunny or any number of visitors who frequent our home.  And even as young as five, she inadvertently gave me clues that made me realize that she already knew the secret.  Darn.  I’ve been so careful.  And with no school or television that would have let her know, I was a little bummed, but impressed, she had figured it out so early.  But she continued playing along, with questions here and there.  And then came Halloween this year…

In the days leading up to Halloween, she began asking questions like, “Does Santa steal from stores?” because she’s been very curious about the company logos on some of the gifts.  And while I began her journey by making all Santa gifts homemade, I didn’t quite keep up.  Then the day before Halloween, the questions became more direct.  “How do Santa and Switch Witch know if they’re invited to visit someone’s home?”  I answered that Dada and I invited them when she was born.  “But where did you get their address?”  And so on.  I tried my best to answer vaguely, not getting too tangled in an intricate lie, while also allowing the story to go on if that seemed right.  But when she muttered phrases like, “I just don’t know if they’re really…” and then stopped herself, I knew it was time.

I cried thinking about how quickly the journey had gone.  Then, I second guessed it all and decided that Halloween and the upcoming visit from Switch Witch that night was definitely NOT the day for this conversation.  But that morning, she asked, “Are you sure you and Dada don’t just eat the candy and then leave a gift?  Tell me the truth.”  Those four words sealed it.  It was time.

I didn’t answer immediately, especially with Little Brother present and wanting to discuss it all with my husband and sob a bit.  But I typed up a general idea of what I wanted to say in a conversation.  And later in the day when Little Brother miraculously took a nap, we jumped at the opportunity.  It felt scary and awkward going into it.  A huge step in her growing up and, well, basically admitting we’d been deceiving her and her brother since birth.  But, I did my best to explain it clearly and gently.  She listened.  And then with each new question she asked about another magical visitor, I held my breath as I answered slowly and honestly.  And when it all sank in…

She was giddy with excitement!  Yes, the secret of Santa left our first-born completely thrilled!  Of course, it helped that she was invited to help us with the story for her brother.  She delighted in seeing where I keep future gifts, and when I explained the fonts and notes and back stories to her, she must have thanked me a dozen times for doing everything I’ve been doing.  Yes, it was pretty much best-case scenario.  Sometimes our headstrong, stubborn, loving, vocal kids are a lot to handle, but moments like this…well, they help a lot.

 

This was a letter I read awhile ago for future assistance with all this.  And below is the vague outline of what I, personally, said, although it was a conversation, rather than a letter.  (I definitely didn’t feel great about just improvising this conversation, without some idea of what to say):

(Quick background–Our daughter wrote to Santa last year asking if she could come to the North Pole this year and train as an elf.  There were lots of detailed questions she asked him in a letter about what to bring and if they had some healthier alternatives to just cookies and so on.  But it was arranged that she would leave with St. Nicholas on the 6th, travel to the North Pole, train as an elf for a couple weeks, and then return with Santa on the 25th.  My thinking, even a year ago, in letting this play out, was that by Christmas this year, she would probably be ready to be an “elf” of sorts with us.  As I said, there have been hints and big questions for awhile.)

*****

You have grown up so much, especially this year.  You’ve always been so much older than you are, understanding feelings and stories and concepts that most kiddos your age just aren’t quite ready for.  And this year, you’ve stepped up so much in your responsibility and your help with (Brother).  We’ve loved watching you grow.  As parents, it makes us so happy but also a little bit sad.  Does that make sense?

Well, these past several days you’ve been asking a lot of big questions about Santa and Switch Witch.  Daddy and I have been doing our best to answer, while talking with each other about if you’re ready to become a holiday helper.  You really wanted to be an elf this year, and I know there has been some concern about going with Covid and missing us.  Well, the truth is, when Mamas and Dadas choose to invite Santa into their homes, they themselves get to become elves, sort of. Santa and Switch Witch and the Easter Bunny are always alive in our hearts. They help us feel magic and help us believe in things we can’t see. But their work is done by us, by parents. We get to choose gifts and wrap them and present them as part of the magic of the holiday.

You will still get to have presents from all our special holiday visitors, and you can choose how you want to play part of the magic story – being completely surprised or also being a helper with us. Because the really cool part for you as an older sibling, is that now that you know this, you get to be an elf with us for (Brother), if you would like.

This is something we want to share with you because we know we can trust you to hold this information in your heart and still let (Brother) have these magic stories for as long as he holds them. And kiddos get to learn about Santa at all different ages. So, your friends or cousins might not know the secret about their parents getting to be helpers. So, we can’t say anything, ok?

But, if you have any questions, we’re always here. We just have to talk about it in secret. And you will still get to play in these magic stories; you will still have baskets and gifts from all our holiday visitors. It’s just now, you get also get a chance to play a new role in these stories too.

******
And so now, we have a new holiday helper!  The day or two after the Big Reveal, she had lots and lots of questions and new realizations.  But it’s calmed down.  Heading into holiday season she keeps telling me just how excited she is to know The Secret.  She has LOTS of plans, and now I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve just been replaced…

What Makes or Breaks a Children’s Book*

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

*I should add the very important addition–FOR ME
(I really, really try not to write any of the “This is how it is” posts on here, as I know that everyone’s opinion and life is so different.  But, then again, this is my space, so there is an implied “for me” in all of this, right?)

Anyway, I wonder about this a lot–What makes or breaks a book for me?  And, I wish I had a once and for all answer, but I don’t.  I am very particular about which books we choose to read, and even amongst those, there are some picture books that hit all the marks and make the bestseller lists, but just don’t quite have the magic for me.  And then, there are some which seem entirely too simple, which I just love and could read over and over to the kids.  It really is an art.

I can definitely speak more to what breaks a children’s book for me.  There are the super obvious things like being offensive or closed-minded and so on, but there are some things which I’m surprised make it into so many children’s books.  Maybe I’m overthinking things, but, I really do feel that the words we read our children matter.

The word “hate”
There’s enough hate in the world to work on without slipping this word in for mundane things.  There is one book we have (which I’m thinking of at the moment) that uses this word (The Grinch Who Stole Christmas).  I simply read out loud as “dislike” instead.

The words “dumb” or “stupid”
Ditto to above

The “I hate broccoli or vegetables” thing
Seriously?  We, as parents need to unite on feeding our children healthy foods.  My kids really do delight in vegetables, and I’ve been a parent long enough to know that most of this is just pure luck, BUT…  they also never heard otherwise.  None of the books I read to them promote the veggie dislike and they aren’t hanging around kids who are repeating this.  I understand that authors are trying to relate to kids perhaps, but can’t we make a shift there?  I actually really love when books slip in a love-of-vegetable sentence without being preachy about it.

The “I dislike school” thing
Again, I understand that this is a reality for some kids.  But many do actually enjoy school and learning.  So, why are books adding this cheap way of trying to relate to kids while promoting the idea that school is something to dread?

The sibling dislike
This is such a standard in books, and I’m so frustrated by it.  Yes, of course, I know siblings argue and aren’t always each other’s favorites.  But, when the siblings are consistently referred to as “annoying” or “bossy” or other such things without redeeming moments, it really bothers me.  A lot.  I found myself pleasantly surprised watching “Onward” and seeing the brothers getting along for the most part and treating each other well.  Why should this be such a rare thing to see in a story?

The word “fat”
When this word gets used or overused in book descriptions, it really bothers me.  It’s not a word I want on my children’s tongues either as a descriptive word for others or for themselves.  I remember being shocked one day when our daughter was little, and having not seen TV or been in any daycare-type settings, she used the word “fat.”  And then I realized it IS used in one of our favorite picture books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar.  And, I feel ok with its use in this book.  So, yes, I know there are always exceptions, but for the most part, it is not an adjective I like to see in children’s books.

Put-Downs
Putting down others in books seems to be dwindling.  Even the “mean” characters often get a backstory in many of our books and others don’t return the meanness.  Obviously putting down others would be on my dislike list.  But, something I do still see on occasion is the self put-downs.  I know it’s going to crop up here and there for a character to have doubts and go through a self-discovery, but I’ve had to put several books back into the library bag before sharing with the kids because the self talk was so negative.

The “I’m too old for this”
As homeschoolers, my kids have, what I consider, an advantage in that they can keep their childhoods a little longer.  Nobody on the playground or on mainstream TV is dictating what they “should” or “shouldn’t” be playing with at certain ages.  My daughter LOVES all her dolls, and she will probably continue to have them as part of her everyday play past when most kids her age would.  So, it hurts my heart when books sneak in passages about their characters being “too old” for something.  Everyone is on their own timeline, and if this modern age has taught us anything, it’s that holding onto what we love dearest can still work to our “benefit” with all these independent sources of making money through YouTube channels and social media platforms.  I know at some point, you just have to hope/know your kid has enough gumption to keep what they hold dear, but the influence of other kids, TV, and, apparently, some books really tries to get people to conform to some made-up idea of what’s “normal” and “acceptable.”

The sellouts
The other kind of books I cringe at, and we rarely see in our home are the sellouts.  The ones just written because they know it’ll sell.  These are usually cartoon characters or toys.  Like anything, there are exceptions to this too, when the kids love a character and I’d much rather we read a book.  But I do try to be very, very particular when going into this territory.  Sometimes it really is just a picture book that tries hitting all the marks but has no soul to it, even if there is one trying to be faked.

 

I appreciate the work and time all authors and illustrators and publishers put into books, and so I really don’t mean any of my dislikes as a put-down.  But, I do think it’s time to shift away from some of these dated, cheap ways of trying to relate to kids.  Give kids and families a little more credit.  I think there can be a balance between writing relatable characters, while also recognizing the influence the words and actions of these stories can have over children.  And, I realize that makes it sound like I want some preachy, do-gooder books, which is not what I’m trying to say.  I just think there’s a way to be real and entertaining and to influence positive change.

 

Jizo

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

I fell in love with a Jizo statue at a Japanese garden last fall.  Only after I had left did I read the meaning of these statues.  They are said to protect children.  And, more specifically, many articles say the Jizo statues look after children who have died before their parents or babies who are miscarried or aborted.

After my encounter with the garden statue and reading articles like this one, I knew that the Jizo was something very important to my healing and remembering.  Uncommon Goods had a darling Jizo that was much smaller than I realized, which was perfect.  (The Jizo is only just over 8 inches tall.)  We keep him (her?) inside and get to have a beautiful reminder of Jizo protecting all our children.  At a time in my life when I’m working to limit possessions and be particular about what we bring into our home, this Jizo has proven its value.  It brings me so much peace and happiness.

‘

 

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My Miscarriage
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Love Sugar Magic

Posted on by keepinthesunlightblog@gmail.com

Love Sugar Magic (2018)
by Anna Meriano

Leo is suspicious.  Her family is keeping secrets and she wants to know what’s going on.  Eleven-year-old Leo has four older sisters who spend an awful lot of time at the family bakery.  When she discovers her mama and sisters are actually brujas (witches), she’s determined to learn as much as she can about magic.

This book is a wonderful story of family, friendship, magic, and being human.  Amidst magic and spirits, Meriano has created very real and relatable characters.  And despite occasional disagreements and conflicts between the family members, I just find myself wanting to cozy in at the bakery and be a part of the Logrono family for the day.

After reading (a somewhat edited version of) the book to my seven-year old, she has a new interest in panaderias and learning Spanish.  We read the first book of this series at the perfect time this fall, as it starts right before Dia de los Muertos.  Our daughter took the initiative in setting up an ofrenda of photos and a trail of flower petals leading to our door for November 1st.   In the week since we’ve read the first and second books of the series, we’ve been to two panaderias in our town that I never even knew were there.  I’m so grateful for these wonderful stories, and we’re very much looking forward to the rest of the series!